Budweiser UK recently came out with a series of nine
different pint glasses, each depicting a different “Pride” flag, to kick off
Pride Month. The giant brewer’s “Fly The Flag” campaign is in partnership with
London Pride, and includes profiles of each glass explaining what each color on
the respective flags means. On the morning of May 31st, Bud first
tweeted: “Excited to reveal we are now proud sponsors of Pride in London! We
are working closely with them and our charity partners to celebrate the
diversity within the LGBT+ community and Fly the Flag for Everyone at the
#PrideJubilee. A taste of what’s to come.” (Get it)? Below that was a
picture of a tri-colored glass and the informational “Bi-Pride” message: “Magenta
is for same gender attraction, blue is for attraction to genders other than
your own, and lavender (a mix of the two) represents attraction to your own and
other genders, though some interpret it differently.”
But virtue-signaling
in the Age of Intersectionality can be complicated and difficult, and it
appears Budweiser kept adding posts—and glasses-- in an effort to avoid
omitting—and therefore offending-- any fringe group whatsoever. Another tweet,
eight minutes later, sported a glass with four colors and noted: “Black is for asexuals who don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone. Grey
is for grey-asexuals, who sometimes feel sexual attraction, and demi-sexuals
who only feel it if they know someone well. White nods to non-asexual allies,
and purple represents the whole community.” There you have it.
Seventeen
minutes later Bud was back with two more tweet ads. One, touting
“Intersex-Pride,” showed a glass featuring a purple circle on a yellow
background and explained: “The circle symbolises wholeness and completeness, while
purple and yellow were chosen as they don’t have male or female associations.” The other, a
tribute to “Pan Pride,” had another tri-colored glass and stated: “Blue symbolises male attraction, pink female attraction, and yellow
attraction to other genders.” Good to know.
One
minute after that, it was time for “Lesbian Pride.” This one averred: “While this flag
is commonly used, it isn’t the only one. If you look around, you might see a
version with a kiss in the corner, representing lipstick lesbians, or a purple
flag with a double headed axe for labrys lesbian feminist pride.” Well then.
60
seconds later, “Inclusive Pride” got its moment in the sun, with still another
glass and the message: “In 2017 the city of Philadelphia added a black
and brown stripe to the classic rainbow design, to better represent people of
colour within the community. It has since been flown at Prides around the
world.”
Incredibly,
Budweiser stepped it up a notch to finish with a three-tweet flurry. At 11:28
am, “Transgender-Pride” was saluted via a glass designed by Monica Helms and
the statement: “Blue represents male, pink female, and white is for those
transitioning or who consider themselves to have a neutral or undefined
gender.”
And
then: “Yellow is for those whose gender exists outside of the gender binary.
White is for people with many genders. Purple is for those who feel a mix of
female and male, and black is for those who feel they are without gender
entirely.” (Talk about being disenfranchised)! You got it, “Non-Binary Pride!”
Last,
but by no means least, gender-fluidity was toasted with a five-toned receptacle
and the encomium: “Pink is for femininity, blue for masculinity, while purple
represents a mix of the two. Black represents lack of gender, and white stands
for all genders.”
That’s
one hell of a lot of glasses and colors to represent far less than 10% of the
population. One might think, “When you say Budweiser, you’ve virtue-signaled
them all!” But one would be mistaken. The “King of Queers” missed a few groups.
They might have paid tribute to the LGBTQIIA Community, but they missed (those
represented by) the “+” at the end.
What
about agalmatophiles? Those aroused by statues are deservedly PROUD! as well.
How about we put a silver band on the glass to represent them? And
batrachophiliacs are a marginalized population, too. It’s time those lusting
after frogs were given their due, and brought into the broader LGBTQIIA+
Community, to PROUDLY! March for inclusion and tolerance. Give them an ochre
colored band! And chasmophiles should be recognized, as well. Those, PROUDLY!,
sexually aroused by cracks and crevices—and aren’t we all—should be celebrated
and denoted by a gray band on a drinking vessel.
The
glory of dendrophilia certainly should be ever-so-PROUDLY! acknowledged in its
own right. Dendrophiliacs aren’t just tree-huggers, if you know what I mean.
They really love trees. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Say no more! Nothing
sappy here. We should all branch out and try new things, right? A burnt-umber
colored band for these folks, please. Let’s not short-change those in the Coprophiliac
Community, either. Those who get excited by being covered in feces have every
right to be just as damn PROUD! as they are. They deserve a tan colored ring on
any chalice. Hybristophiliacs long to love serial killers in prison, and who
can blame them? Instead, we should be (PROUDLY!) celebrating this group by
adding a fuchsia colored ring around the beer cup.
I bet
you haven’t heard much about the Autoplushophiliacs in our midst, have you? These
people are—PROUDLY!-- aroused by the image of their own selves in the forms of
a plush-toy or anthropomorphized animal. And well they should be. A magenta
band in honor of them is the least we can do. Prost!
The
Zoophiliac Community is already established in parts of Europe and is growing
by leaps and bounds here in the U.S. They get a very PROUD! canary colored band
on the old tumbler. Finally, necrophiliacs would be PROUDLY! served by a mauve
colored band around most any goblet.
Budweiser:
”The King of Queers.”
“Prideful
perverts, this Bud’s for you!”
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