Budweiser UK recently came out with a series of nine different pint glasses, each depicting a different “Pride” flag, to kick off Pride Month. The giant brewer’s “Fly The Flag” campaign is in partnership with London Pride, and includes profiles of each glass explaining what each color on the respective flags means. On the morning of May 31st, Bud first tweeted: “Excited to reveal we are now proud sponsors of Pride in London! We are working closely with them and our charity partners to celebrate the diversity within the LGBT+ community and Fly the Flag for Everyone at the #PrideJubilee. A taste of what’s to come.” (Get it)? Below that was a picture of a tri-colored glass and the informational “Bi-Pride” message: “Magenta is for same gender attraction, blue is for attraction to genders other than your own, and lavender (a mix of the two) represents attraction to your own and other genders, though some interpret it differently.”
But virtue-signaling in the Age of Intersectionality can be complicated and difficult, and it appears Budweiser kept adding posts—and glasses-- in an effort to avoid omitting—and therefore offending-- any fringe group whatsoever. Another tweet, eight minutes later, sported a glass with four colors and noted: “Black is for asexuals who don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone. Grey is for grey-asexuals, who sometimes feel sexual attraction, and demi-sexuals who only feel it if they know someone well. White nods to non-asexual allies, and purple represents the whole community.” There you have it.
Seventeen minutes later Bud was back with two more tweet ads. One, touting “Intersex-Pride,” showed a glass featuring a purple circle on a yellow background and explained: “The circle symbolises wholeness and completeness, while purple and yellow were chosen as they don’t have male or female associations.” The other, a tribute to “Pan Pride,” had another tri-colored glass and stated: “Blue symbolises male attraction, pink female attraction, and yellow attraction to other genders.” Good to know.
One minute after that, it was time for “Lesbian Pride.” This one averred: “While this flag is commonly used, it isn’t the only one. If you look around, you might see a version with a kiss in the corner, representing lipstick lesbians, or a purple flag with a double headed axe for labrys lesbian feminist pride.” Well then.
60 seconds later, “Inclusive Pride” got its moment in the sun, with still another glass and the message: “In 2017 the city of Philadelphia added a black and brown stripe to the classic rainbow design, to better represent people of colour within the community. It has since been flown at Prides around the world.”
Incredibly, Budweiser stepped it up a notch to finish with a three-tweet flurry. At 11:28 am, “Transgender-Pride” was saluted via a glass designed by Monica Helms and the statement: “Blue represents male, pink female, and white is for those transitioning or who consider themselves to have a neutral or undefined gender.”
And then: “Yellow is for those whose gender exists outside of the gender binary. White is for people with many genders. Purple is for those who feel a mix of female and male, and black is for those who feel they are without gender entirely.” (Talk about being disenfranchised)! You got it, “Non-Binary Pride!”
Last, but by no means least, gender-fluidity was toasted with a five-toned receptacle and the encomium: “Pink is for femininity, blue for masculinity, while purple represents a mix of the two. Black represents lack of gender, and white stands for all genders.”
That’s one hell of a lot of glasses and colors to represent far less than 10% of the population. One might think, “When you say Budweiser, you’ve virtue-signaled them all!” But one would be mistaken. The “King of Queers” missed a few groups. They might have paid tribute to the LGBTQIIA Community, but they missed (those represented by) the “+” at the end.
What about agalmatophiles? Those aroused by statues are deservedly PROUD! as well. How about we put a silver band on the glass to represent them? And batrachophiliacs are a marginalized population, too. It’s time those lusting after frogs were given their due, and brought into the broader LGBTQIIA+ Community, to PROUDLY! March for inclusion and tolerance. Give them an ochre colored band! And chasmophiles should be recognized, as well. Those, PROUDLY!, sexually aroused by cracks and crevices—and aren’t we all—should be celebrated and denoted by a gray band on a drinking vessel.
The glory of dendrophilia certainly should be ever-so-PROUDLY! acknowledged in its own right. Dendrophiliacs aren’t just tree-huggers, if you know what I mean. They really love trees. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Say no more! Nothing sappy here. We should all branch out and try new things, right? A burnt-umber colored band for these folks, please. Let’s not short-change those in the Coprophiliac Community, either. Those who get excited by being covered in feces have every right to be just as damn PROUD! as they are. They deserve a tan colored ring on any chalice. Hybristophiliacs long to love serial killers in prison, and who can blame them? Instead, we should be (PROUDLY!) celebrating this group by adding a fuchsia colored ring around the beer cup.
I bet you haven’t heard much about the Autoplushophiliacs in our midst, have you? These people are—PROUDLY!-- aroused by the image of their own selves in the forms of a plush-toy or anthropomorphized animal. And well they should be. A magenta band in honor of them is the least we can do. Prost!
The Zoophiliac Community is already established in parts of Europe and is growing by leaps and bounds here in the U.S. They get a very PROUD! canary colored band on the old tumbler. Finally, necrophiliacs would be PROUDLY! served by a mauve colored band around most any goblet.
Budweiser: ”The King of Queers.”
“Prideful perverts, this Bud’s for you!”