Saturday, June 29, 2019

Biden Promises To Cure Cancer If Elected

                Candidate Obama promised to stop the rising of the oceans and heal the planet if he was elected president. Apparently, he was unsuccessful in that endeavor, to judge by the caterwauling of climate alarmists who are claiming Omaha could be permanently under water by the end of the century.
                And now Joe (“Gee, your hair smells terrific”) Biden recently stated, “That’s why I’ve worked so hard in my career to make sure that… I promise you if I’m elected president, you’re going to see the most important thing that changes America, we’re gonna cure cancer.” I’m sure Sleepy Joe will roll up his sleeves and hit the laboratory as soon as he is re-ensconced in the White House. Unfortunately, that might not be enough if one listens to experts like “The View” co-host Kill-Joy Behar, who recently remarked: “I would say that curing cancer is going to be much more difficult when there’s so much climate change and pollutants in the environment.” Well, there certainly is a lot of climate change “in the environment.”
                Tragically, climate change is making virtually all human progress impossible, a fact many of Biden’s competitors for the 2020 Democratic nomination seem to realize. Kamala Harris, for example, recently averred that she would end hunger “if it weren’t for global warming.” Beto O’Rourke assured several dozen folks at a rally last week that he would “eradicate the common cold as president, except for that damn climate change.” Pete Buttigieg promised to eliminate the “heartbreak of psoriasis” if elected—as long as “Republicans agreed to put an end to climate change.”
                Rising star Elizabeth Warren vowed to “get rid of clinical depression and flatulence” if she were to be elected, “provided that the world first dealt with climate change in a unified and substantive way.”
                Ever the odd man out, Bernie Sanders took a bit different take, pledging to end capitalism, inequality, and prosperity “if the people placed me in the White House…climate change or no climate change.”
                President Trump simply pleaded for an end to “fake news” and “bullshit.”

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