Thursday, June 27, 2019

Florida Woman Stabs Herself, Blames Trump

                A Palmetto, Florida woman-- whose name was redacted from a police report posted by the Smoking Gun-- was discovered standing outside her apartment covered in blood recently. When police inquired as to what was wrong, she simply lifted up her shirt to show off three, count them, three-- stab wounds. The woman told the responding officers that she had repeatedly stabbed herself with a kitchen knife because: “I’m tired of living in Trump’s country. I’m tired of Trump being president.” The officers found “a large amount of blood on the floor of the residence in the kitchen, bathroom and living room.”
                The unidentified female, who Trump is sure to call “Ginsu Gertrude,” was taken to Blake Medical Center, where she was placed under a trauma alert. She has a history of hurting herself and has been involuntarily detained in the past under the Baker Act, otherwise known as the Florida Mental Health Act of 1971.
                Many Democrats immediately touted assisted-suicide laws they’ve passed and suggested the woman go to California where assisted-suicide is legal……and illegal aliens are, too. In fact, if Democrats have their druthers, illegal aliens (“undocumented immigrants”) may soon be able to perform the assisted suicides—and abortions, as well. Other Democrats called for a total, nation-wide ban on the manufacture and sale of all kitchen implements, while some called for the universal availability of assisted suicide and a ban on all kitchen implements.
                It would be nice—and beneficial to the republic for which I stand-- if every anti-Trumper would follow the Florida lady’s lead and attempt to voluntarily…and permanently…remove themselves from the voting ranks. Sadly, however, this is unlikely to occur.

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