Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Jaguar Gives Birth Via Artificial Insemination In Historic First

            Scientists with Brazil’s Mata Ciliar project, in partnership with those at the Center for Conservation and Research of Endangered Wildlife (CREW) based at the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Gardens in the United States, finally successfully artificially inseminated a female jaguar late last year. The glowing mother, Bianca (get it?), is one of five female jaguars that were selected to be inseminated due to their good health, age, suitability for reproduction, and “favorable behavior.”
Several attempts have been made at artificially inseminating the big cats over the past few years, all to no avail.

Until now.

Bianca gave birth to a beautiful, healthy, female cub on February 16th, the first jaguar baby ever born via artificial insemination. Veterinarians hailed the birth as a scientific breakthrough, a giant step towards insuring the survival of this endangered species.

Two days later, Bianca ate her cub.

Immediately after that, Democrats hailed Bianca, praising her for her courageous pro-choice and after-birth abortion stance. Several top Democrats went so far as to ask the big cat if she’d like to run for state office in California or New York. Bianca is a highly attractive, intersectional candidate for today’s Democratic Party, and its radically progressive, Millennial base. She is a multi-colored, pro-choice, agnostic, young female, who is a member of an actually endangered species! What’s more, since she wasn’t already pregnant, and had to be artificially inseminated, there is some hope that she may also be a lesbian.
Bianca has yet to respond to the Democrats solicitation, but various progressive groups claim they have already raised over thirteen million dollars in support of a possible bid for her to replace Republican Doug LaMalfa in California’s 1st District on January 3rd, 2021. Several GoFundMe pages have also been set up in the big predator’s name.

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