The Cathedral of Notre Dame was heavily damaged by fire
recently. As of this writing the cause is not yet known, however the fire came
hard on the heels of the vandalization of two other prominent Paris churches,
St. Sulpice and the Basilica of St. Denis, leading officials to quickly
proclaim that it was extremely unlikely the fire was started by anyone who wished
to harm the cathedral.
Money
has been pledged to rebuild the ancient edifice, the center of Catholic life in
France for over 800 years. This has upset many who want the money to be spent
on more important things, namely themselves. Some French people see the
Cathedral of Notre Dame as a literal monument to “an idealized Christian European
France that arguably never existed,” according to Rolling Stone. Well, that
France certainly doesn’t exist today.
Some of them wish to see the structure rebuilt along more modern, secular lines.
Patricio del Real (!), an architectural historian at Harvard University, stated: “The
building was so overburdened
with meaning that its burning feels like an act of liberation.”
The
burning of a beautiful cathedral that opened in 1345, an architectural marvel
with staggering historical and cultural significance, “feels like an act of
liberation?” Only a college professor would say that.
Who
really cares about that stodgy old reminder of a time when a common French
identity prevailed? And God is just a figment of backward, traditional people’s
imaginations, no more real than a unicorn or Peter Pan, right? So, hell, let’s
rebuild Notre Dame as a modern-day edifice. If there are still stained-glass
windows, let’s make them in the colors of the transgender flag. In the interest
of energy efficiency, the rebuilt structure should be outfitted with solar
panels. It should be crowned with wind turbines in lieu of spires, steeples and
towers. It must have no dead spots for Wi-Fi reception, and be generously bedecked
with smart-phone chargers. It should serve a range of alcoholic beverages
rather than just red wine and serve as a marijuana dispensary. It also should
sport a series of drive-up windows, yet have plenty of green space surrounding
it where people could just chill or camp out.
In
related news, a 37-year-old man was arrested and charged with attempted arson just
a couple of days after the Notre Dame fire when he entered the historic St.
Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City carrying two
cans of gasoline, two bottles of lighter fluid and two butane lighters. The
suspect had a good excuse, however, saying that he was just taking a shortcut
through the church to get to his minivan, which he claimed had run out of gas. (Come
to think of it, that doesn’t explain the matching number of lighter fluid
bottles and butane lighters). The man was identified as Marc Lamparello, a
former music director at a Roman Catholic church in New Jersey, and a part-time college philosophy professor.
Surely,
he was just there to engage in “an act of liberation,” to help us all lead
lives less burdened with meaning.
St.
Patrick went to Ireland to instruct the natives, most of whom practiced a
nature-based pagan religion, in the ways of Christianity. Those, like Lamparello,
now targeting Christian churches, want to do the reverse.
It is
time they face the music.
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