Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Excerpts From The Twitter Feed Of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Excerpts From The Twitter Feed of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, @AOC

“Hey people, the only reason I do what I do (and it’s hard!) is to do the most good I can every day! So, that’s what it is. Period.”

“Just, like, reaching for my wine now as I work on my IKEA furniture. Isn’t it, like, the best? I think so. Anyway, I’ve got like over 60,000 followers now. That’s more than most other members of Congress, and I’m only 29-years-old! Ha! I’m the youngest woman ever elected to the United States Congress! So there!”

“Did I tell you I’m only 29-years-old? Like, that’s why I’m not afraid to make mistakes, ‘cuz I got plenty of time to learn! At least I’m not trying to cage children and inject them with drugs. Or, like, make the planet burn up! That’s not a mistake, that’s just cruel!”

“Guess what? Some haters be hatin’ on me just because I didn’t know about the three branches of government and shit. Or that George Washington was the first president! Can you imagine? Like, seriously, how many people know Washington was the first president?! Maybe old, white dudes.”

“I’m so tired of @DonaldTrump picking on me I could scream! Bring it on old man! One-two-three-four, I declare a Twitter war!! Hey, @DonaldTrump, how do you get your hair so orange? I’ve eaten cuties that weren’t as orange! #BiteMe.”

Guess what? It’s so hurtful when people tell lies about you and mislead like on twitter or, on tv, or anywhere. Like, now they’re saying that I used a southern drawl when speaking in front of an African-American crowd recently. But like, guess what? I’m from the Bronx, so a southern drawl comes naturally to me, especially when I’m all fired up. Any kid who grew up in a distinct linguistic culture & had to learn to navigate class enviros at school/work knows what’s up. Folks talking smack about my voice can suck it! It’s just rude to, like, make fun of people!”

“I’m trying to get a war powers resolution so we can finally get the United States out of Texas. Sorry, Beto, but it’s just the right thing to do. #youmaysayImadreamer #butImnottheonlyone #Lennonrules #Mccartneyisokaytoo.”

“Speaking of music, do you guys like Joni Mitchell as much as I do? I guess not all old things are, like, stupid and pathetic. At least she was female.”

“@AOC here, peeps! So, now some Repubs are on my case because I didn’t know Washington, D.C. was named after George Washington. Hello! If I didn’t know George Washington was a former president how would I know D.C. was named after him? #getaclue.”

“@DonaldTrump and some conservatives are ragging on @IlhanMN just cuz she said ‘some people did something on 9/11.’ Well, guess what? Some people did do something on 9/11. That’s just a fact. Duh! I, like, support her 100%. People only hate on her cuz she Muslim. And cuz she a woman. And a brown one. Racist bastards make me sick! Ilhan is a good person. And she tells the best Jewish jokes!”

“Seriously? Like, how was I supposed to know the U.S. got its independence from the British?”

“Who do you all think Hanna B. will pick on the Bachelorette 2019? I think I know. DM me with your picks!”

“Guess what? I, like, really, really, really think 16-year-olds should be allowed to vote. #justmakessense.”

“Those people harassing or threatening poor Rep. Omar for downplaying the 9/11 attacks are just Islamophobic assholes and Jew lovers! Their actions are worse than the Holocaust! (If “The Holocaust” ever even happened).”  

“Have I mentioned I’m the youngest woman ever elected to Congress? I just realized that, if I can’t be president for another 5 and 1/2 years cuz of some stupid ageist rule, I won’t be alive to finish out my second term when the world ends in 12 years! #tragedy #worstpartaboutglobalwarming.”

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