Thursday, November 8, 2018

University Offers Students Concierge Service

                New Mexico State University is now offering its students the “Crimson Concierge” resource, a premiere program that provides amenities such as “moving & storage” assistance, booking “travel and vacation packages,” and making “dining reservations.”
                When I was in college, moving was done by your own two feet and storage assistance was provided by a small closet, a desk, and possibly a file cabinet.
                Inside Higher Ed reported that the Crimson Concierge program is part of an attempt by the school to “be more competitive with other institutions with flashier offerings.” It also stated that the concierge will: research travel plans both locally and abroad, find and make dinner reservations, locate events in the area, and, for an extra fee, clean and fold student’s laundry and perform “housework.” The university had previously stated, upon announcing the program earlier this year, that it would also offer students assistance with ordering gifts and specialty items, making doctor and automotive repair appointments, and other services. It’s a tough, grueling life on campus these days. No wonder the young scholars need their safe spaces.
                The competition among institutes of higher learning has ceased to be about higher learning, or even anything directly related to education. It is entirely about promising to make life as preposterously easy as possible for their potential scholars. In the past, most students held a part-time job to help pay their way, studied long hours, slept little, lived in a cramped dorm room and made their own reservations to eat…out of a SpaghettiOs® can or Ramen noodles container. Today, many students attending shockingly expensive colleges can essentially ring a bell and “Jeeves” will come strolling in, asking if they’d rather have him make reservations at a steakhouse or a sushi bar. These pampered pupils have access to the equivalent of a majordomo, secretary, personal lifestyle manager, butler and maid all in one.
                I can soon see, say, the University of Michigan touting its top-tier concierge service, which will offer students personal food and beverage tasters, free and unlimited use of the school’s vast new spa, on-campus gratis legal representation and accountant consultancy, and automatic admission to the mint-of-the-month club. This, of course, will be countered by Ohio State University promoting its complimentary dating service, bedding turn-down program, free customized protest wear, 24/7/365 chauffeur service, and the continual availability of personal masseuses in any of 63 different gender preferences.
                And, instead of schools touting “one instructor per 18 students,” for example, they will be advertising “at least one safe space per every dorm floor, replete with cookie dough, Play-Doh, a big screen television tuned to MSNBC, and several different kinds of puppies.”
                Is this properly preparing students for the future? Is this readying them for the real world? Or are these programs molding useless, entitled brats who will shortly preside over the decline and fall of Western civilization?

                But, I’m tired of thinking such thoughts. Can someone help me make a dinner reservation?

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