Friday, November 9, 2018

Florida Election Hanky-Panky...Again

                What the hell, Florida? It’s déjà vu all over again. We’re gonna party like it’s 1999…plus one! Incompetence? Legerdemain? Corruption? Let us count the ways. Avarice? Let us count and count and count…and count… and, hopefully, recount the ways!
                You can’t be counting “hanging chads” this time around, Broward County. (Come to think of it, the term sounds like the title of a gay porno). Are you looking for more “uncounted ballots” from people named Chad? In the country of Chad? It is obvious to anyone that wouldn’t buy the Brooklyn Bridge sight unseen with bitcoins that Democrats will do literally anything to win elections. The ends justify the means is an age-old tenet of leftists.
                “Wait! Don’t call it, yet! We’ve found more ballots in a clothes basket outside a Motel 6 in Carol Springs!”
                Broward County is to legitimate elections as Clintons are to integrity. Every other county can count ballots and wrap things up in a relatively efficient and unsuspicious manner, so why can’t it? Brenda Snipes (!), the county’s Democratic election head, bemoaned the long hours and days leading up to Election Day and the number of votes to be counted, and pleaded for more time. Perhaps there should be an official count of excuses given for Florida Fiasco II. No, that too would go on for days.
                Andrew Gillum conceded to Ron DeSantis on the night of the election. But, hey, just because you’ve conceded defeat days earlier doesn’t mean you’ve lost! Not if you’re a Democrat! Not in Florida!
                Turns out there were “many more uncounted ballots than were originally reported.” How? Why?
                And how are they (slowly) tabulating the votes? Are votes by Republicans being considered 3/5 of a vote because they’re not quite human? Perhaps the conversion rate is what’s slowing them down in Broward County. Maybe Snipes’ crew is bad with fractions.
                It’s not just one race, but two that are being contested in Florida in 2018. In addition to the afore-mentioned governor’s race, the senate contest between Bill Nelson and Rick Scott is also likely headed for a recount.

                Florida is famously a place where older folks go to retire. And play bingo. I have no doubt that a game of bingo between red-clad Republicans and blue-bedecked Democrats in the Sunshine State would go something like this:

                Caller Snipes: “And next we have…O 69…”

                Red-clad Republican: “Bingo!”

                Caller Snipes: “Um, hold on a minute…oh, I’m sorry, I’ve skipped a few numbers on my board here. Let’s put this right! Please sit down sir.”

                Caller Snipes: “How about B 4?”

                A different red-clad Republican: “Bingo!”

                Caller Snipes: “Whoops, my bad! Sit down ma’am. I meant G 55!”

                Blue-bedecked Democrat: “Bingo!”

    Caller Snipes: “We have a winner!!”

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