What the hell, Florida? It’s déjà vu all over again. We’re
gonna party like it’s 1999…plus one! Incompetence? Legerdemain? Corruption? Let
us count the ways. Avarice? Let us count and count and count…and count… and,
hopefully, recount the ways!
You
can’t be counting “hanging chads” this time around, Broward County. (Come to
think of it, the term sounds like the title of a gay porno). Are you looking
for more “uncounted ballots” from people named
Chad? In the country of Chad? It is obvious to anyone that wouldn’t buy the
Brooklyn Bridge sight unseen with bitcoins that Democrats will do literally
anything to win elections. The ends justify the means is an age-old tenet of
leftists.
“Wait!
Don’t call it, yet! We’ve found more ballots in a clothes basket outside a
Motel 6 in Carol Springs!”
Broward
County is to legitimate elections as Clintons are to integrity. Every other
county can count ballots and wrap things up in a relatively efficient and
unsuspicious manner, so why can’t it? Brenda Snipes (!), the county’s
Democratic election head, bemoaned the long hours and days leading up to
Election Day and the number of votes to be counted, and pleaded for more time.
Perhaps there should be an official count of excuses given for Florida Fiasco II. No, that too would go on for
days.
Andrew
Gillum conceded to Ron DeSantis on the night of the election. But,
hey, just because you’ve conceded defeat days earlier doesn’t mean you’ve lost!
Not if you’re a Democrat! Not in Florida!
Turns
out there were “many more uncounted ballots than were originally reported.”
How? Why?
And how
are they (slowly) tabulating the votes? Are votes by Republicans being
considered 3/5 of a vote because they’re not quite human? Perhaps the
conversion rate is what’s slowing them down in Broward County. Maybe Snipes’
crew is bad with fractions.
It’s
not just one race, but two that are
being contested in Florida in 2018. In addition to the afore-mentioned
governor’s race, the senate contest between Bill Nelson and Rick Scott is also
likely headed for a recount.
Florida
is famously a place where older folks go to retire. And play bingo. I have no
doubt that a game of bingo between red-clad Republicans and blue-bedecked
Democrats in the Sunshine State would go something like this:
Caller
Snipes: “And next we have…O 69…”
Red-clad
Republican: “Bingo!”
Caller
Snipes: “Um, hold on a minute…oh, I’m sorry, I’ve skipped a few numbers on my
board here. Let’s put this right! Please sit down sir.”
Caller
Snipes: “How about B 4?”
A
different red-clad Republican: “Bingo!”
Caller
Snipes: “Whoops, my bad! Sit down ma’am. I meant G 55!”
Blue-bedecked
Democrat: “Bingo!”
Caller Snipes: “We have a winner!!”
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