Guns Controlled? Search Engine Patrolled!

                 Proposed new legislation would make New Yorkers submit to an examination of their social media and search engine history if they wished to purchase a handgun, according to ABC Action News. Senate Bill 9191 was drafted by two Democrats, Brooklyn Borough President Eric Adams and State Senator Kevin Parker. The bill, according to WHAM, would mandate: "social media and search engine reviews prior to the approval of an application or renewal of a license to carry or possess a pistol or revolver; requires a person applying for a license to carry or possess a pistol or revolver or a renewal of such license to consent to having his or her social media accounts and search engine history reviewed and investigated for certain posts and/or searches over a period of 1-3 years prior to the approval of such application or renewal; defines terms."

                “Certain posts and/or searches” over a period of up to three years? That would make a member of China’s communist government smirk with delight. Talk about trampling on the Constitution!

                Officials would be able to look for “commonly known profane slurs” and “biased language” used to describe race, gender, religion and sexual orientation, among other things. Why not just bring back the Geheime Staatspolizei, more commonly known as the Gestapo? Or the East German Stasi, perhaps?

                “So, Herr—I mean Mr. Johnson, you’d like to purchase a revolver, would you? Why?”

                “Yes. I like to target shoot.”

                “Yes, quite. I see you’ve visited a couple of adult sites in the past year. Interesting. It also appears you were looking for fertilizer recently. Constructing a homemade bomb, are we?”

                “What? No! I’m going to fertilize my lawn.”

                “I see. I bet you are, indeed. Anyway, you binge-watched several episodes of ‘Gunsmoke’ on Netflix lately, too. Are you fascinated with shoot-outs, Mr. Johnson? Gunfights? Death?” 

                “No, I just like the show. It’s a classic, well-written and acted. Good story lines.”

                “Many of them involving guns, isn’t that right Mr. Johnson.”

                “Well, I suppose so but—”

                “Actually, your browsing history is quite illustrative, Mr. Johnson. Repeated visits to Breitbart, the Drudge Report, and something called ‘thewritingisoffthewall.com.’ Moreover, you’ve watched videos from Ben Shapiro and ‘Prager U.’ And I see you once made a small donation to the Republican Party. Are you a right-wing extremist, a white-supremacist, Herr—uh, Mr. Johnson?”

                “Certainly not, I believe—”

                “Sorry, Mr. Johnson, permission denied!”

                I would be refused, too under those guidelines.

                “I see you just searched for ‘revolver’ and ‘Gestapo.’ Denied! Guards!”

    The legislation is currently in committee. No vote is scheduled at this time.