Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Of Rats And Snowmen

                These are the times that try men’s souls. Or should try men’s souls. Or something like that, apologies to Thomas Paine.
    It is no surprise that The Onion is laying off staffers. Parody is problematic, if not impossible. Simply reading the daily news means entering a bizarro world that increasingly strains credulity. To wit:
                There is a growing rat infestation in Paris, France. (I have previously written about this). It has gotten so bad the critters can be found nearly everywhere in the City of Blight. Rats can and do spread disease, including the Plague, so this is a serious matter. City officials have been working on plans to eradicate the rodents and protect Parisians. They have unexpectedly encountered resistance from a pro rodent group called “Rights for Rats.” Rights for Rats has garnered over 26,000 votes in favor of protecting the “rights” of rats and has labeled the efforts to curtail the population of the large rodents as rat “genocide.”
                When a significant number of people believe that rats have inherent rights but babies don’t, there is probably no way to save that society.
                Exhibit two: a Weather Channel meteorologist/reporter recently tweeted a photo of a snowman that was constructed in Nashua, New Hampshire, labeling it a “snowperson” in the text accompanying the picture. Yay! Identity politics finally comes to snow sculptures! But, what gender does the snowperson identify as, what pronouns should we use to address him/her/zie/zir? (“Frosty” is a gender-neutral name, so that’s good. We’ll just need to rewrite the lyrics of the popular song to “Frosty the Snowperson”). I hope legislation will soon be passed allowing snowpersons to use the bathroom and locker room of the gender with which they identify at any given moment.
                I would hate to confine snowpersons to the gender to which they were arbitrarily “assigned” at birth. If they are transitioning, their “parents” could help them out. If a snowperson feels like “he” wants to be a boy, a carrot could be used for his nose and his member. If “she” is feeling like a woman, a couple of grapefruits and a hard taco shell should do the trick.

                Frosty the Snowman
                Made the children laugh and play
                And were they surprised when
                Before their eyes
                He became a she that day. 

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