Los Angeles To Paint Streets White

                To paraphrase Ronald Reagan, “Well, there they go again.”

                Los Angeles officials have been painting the city’s streets white, hoping to keep the city cooler this summer by reducing the effects of urban “heat islands.” The heat island effect occurs when structures such as buildings, roads and parking lots absorb heat by day and subsequently release it overnight. Darker structures naturally absorb more heat than lighter ones.

                La-La Land officials are spending an estimated $40,000 per mile in this ill-fated attempt to combat global warming by applying “CoolSeal” to Tinseltown’s asphalt roadways. While I’m sure the product works as the manufacturer claims, it’s rather like sticking one’s pinky finger in a hole in the Hoover dam and expecting to stanch the flow. Besides, the planet appears more likely to be entering another ice age than to be in danger of spontaneously combusting.

                Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti says the project is part of an overall plan to reduce greenhouse gas emissions in the City of Angels by 45 percent below 1990 levels by 2025. He’s going to reduce greenhouse gas emissions by changing the color of the streets from black to white? Like, Dude, take another toke.

                After President Trump said the U.S. would not be bound by the Paris Climate Agreement last year, Mayor Garcetti stated: "Climate change is a fact of life that people in Los Angeles and cities around the world live with every day. It is a grave threat to our health, our environment, and our economy — and it is not debatable or negotiable.”

               Why is it that everything leftists believe in “is not debatable or negotiable?” And how did they procure the “right” to determine what can be discussed?

   Mr. Mayor, spending $40,000 a mile to lighten the color of your town’s streets is a grave threat to your economy.

   You can “Paint the Town Black” if you make it to Lego’s level 5. I’ve heard of “painting the town red.” Even done it once or twice myself. But “painting the town white?” Isn’t that an offensive concept in this politically correct era? I thought “whiteness” conferred privilege and was problematic at best. Are African-Americans more responsible than white folk for global warming, then? I mean, if their bodies absorb more heat, wouldn’t black neighborhoods be warmer than white ones according to the urban heat island logic? No wonder why Africa’s so warm!

  This is California’s Great White Hope, tinting the streets? Keep telling your little white lies, Mayor. Paint your town lily white. This white elephant might end up giving it a black eye.

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 I see a black street and I want it painted white

 No colors any more, I want them to turn white

 I see the cars drive by, black as a murder of crows

 I have to turn my head until their darkness goes

 I wanna see them painted white, painted white

 White and bright, white as flight

 I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky

 I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted white!

 (Partial rewrite of the Rolling Stones song, “Paint it Black”)