Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Bernie Sanders Proposes Guaranteed Jobs, Benefits

                Feel the Bern! Again.

                Senator Bernie Sanders recently announced a plan that would guarantee a job, salary, and benefits to any American “who wants or needs one.” According to the Washington Post, the jobs would be for public works projects, including infrastructure, the environment, education, and “care giving,” among other fields. The Post reported that the proposal “imagines” tasking the country’s existing job training centers and employment offices with connecting workers to these projects. Theoretically, anyone could visit a job center and receive either job training or a job on one of these projects.
                The idea’s proponents believe that millions of Americans could be hired in this manner, more during economic recessions afflicting the private sector and fewer during economic boom times. The plan would necessitate the greatest government involvement in the nation’s economy in its history. It would mandate a $15-per-hour minimum wage and the same medical, dental, and vision benefits as federal government employees receive, and would also provide paid family and medical leave.
                In addition, the senator from the Green Mountain State promised his plan would provide “a chicken in every pot, pot in every chicken, free unicorns for every child, and lots of other amazing free shit.” He added he was “currently negotiating with the Tooth Fairy” to impose the equivalent of a $15-per-fang minimum pay-out on all collected baby teeth, “maybe even $20 for molars and bicuspids.”
                Senators Cory Booker (D-N.J.) and Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.), among others, are also supporting the elderly socialist’s plan.
                The senescent Senator Sanders has been hugely—if oddly-- popular with millennials, garnering 73% of their vote in the Democratic 2016 presidential primary against Hillary Clinton, for example. This plan may risk alienating some members of his base, however, as many millennials would rather have a guarantee that they could be job-free for the rest of their lives. If the senator modifies his proposal by dropping just a word or two, though, he might have nearly unanimous support among young people. If he would guarantee a salary and benefits to any American “who wants or needs one,” even if they do not have a job, he would likely be elected in a landslide of unprecedented proportions.

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