Saturday, April 14, 2018

Frozen 2: It's A Brave New Disney!

Burbank, CA.
Frozen 2: Character Trait Mock-Up/Storyboard

>Everyone knows Elsa’s been grappling with a mighty secret. Revealed: she is a cis-gendered lesbian who’s just been born free!

>Pretty, impulsive Anna has her own secrets to reveal: she is a transgendered lesbian, formerly known as Gus. As it turns out, she’s a cunning linguist, as well, and is embarking on a career as an author of children’s books!

>Olaf likes warm hugs because he’s a serial harasser. It particularly melts his heart (and stiffens his twig!) when young girls snuggle with him.  Elsa and Anna get wise to him…#MeToo!

>Sven the reindeer fawns over his friend-with-benefits Kristoff. He will pull Kristoff’s sleigh from in front…if Kristoff will plow him from the rear! Hot inter-species action like only Disney can bring to the screen!

>Hans is a handsome—and handsy—royal from a neighboring kingdom who came to Arendelle for Elsa’s “coronation.” He now offers Elsa and Anna the use of his “stately scepter.”

>Oaken runs Wandering Oaken’s Trading Post, Gay Bar and Bathhouse, where he also makes meth in a shed out back and dispenses marijuana to the locals.

>Kristoff, unbeknownst to Sven, is polyamorous (emphasis on amorous!), and likes to play naked Twister™ with Kai and Bulda. He is an outdoorsman who likes to “do it” in the open.

>“Snowgies,” tiny little fellows who look like miniature snowmen, are brought into this world whenever Elsa climaxes. Which she does… a lot. Especially in “F 2.”

>Marshmallow is a huge ice-coated snowman that Elsa conjures up. Like Christians and conservatives, he can be a little scary.

>The Duke of Weselton tries to compensate for his lack of height by being an arrogant show-boater. A white-supremacist, he enjoys going to Oaken’s Trading Post, Gay Bar and Bathhouse to “hang out” with the boys. (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge J).  As the movie closes, Elsa shoots him dead while he reposes in a hot tub with a Donald Trump look-alike.

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