Berkeley To Ban Plastic Straws?

                Convenient, colorful, useful and fun though they may be, plastic drinking straws may be on the way out if places such as Berkeley, California, have their way. Three of the famously liberal town’s City Council members have proposed an ordinance that would ban the straws from restaurants and coffee shops, due to the straws environmentally unfriendly nature.

                Sophie Hahn, one of the three, exclaimed: “We need to change our habits. The habits we have are destroying our planet.”

                Well, then. Of course, what she really means is you and I need to change our habits to conform to her whims and beliefs.

                Hahn also proposes that the cost of alternative biodegradable straws, which are roughly eight times more expensive than the plastic ones currently being used, be passed on to the consumer.

                If City Councils and other government bodies around the country literally start grasping at straws in an attempt to save the planet, you know they will exempt themselves from the very laws they enact. The Sophie Hahns and Al Gores of the world, who dolefully look down their noses at kids sipping their soft-drinks in McDonalds restaurants and the elderly with Parkinson’s Disease (and trembling hands) using straws to intake their beverages without spilling, will, of course, have their own straw warehouses.

A butler will trail after them at soirees for the rich and powerful, like a caddy following a professional golfer. “I think I should like a short, black one for my gin and tonic, now, Jeeves, but do lay out a couple of plain white ones for my orange juice tomorrow morning.”

“It will be my greatest pleasure, madam/sir. And, might I add, those are excellent choices.”

“Oh, and Jeeves, do we have enough Crazy Straws on hand? I’ve got Kathy Griffin and Rosie O’Donnell coming to visit this weekend!”