Wednesday, April 24, 2024

President Biden Says Uncle Was Eaten By Cannibals


President Biden recently implied that his uncle, Second Lt. Ambrose J. Finnegan Jr., was eaten by cannibals after being shot down over Papua New Guinea in World War II. Biden, who has repeatedly made outrageous claims about himself and his family, suggested that his uncle was devoured by the island nation’s residents during a recent speech to a steelworkers’ union in Pittsburgh. What a suave and astute statesman!

For some reason, Papua New Guinea Prime Minister James Marape has since noted that he was offended by President Biden’s insinuation that one of his beloved clan was consumed by Marape’s people. Talk about being thin-skinned!

I picture a meeting in the very near future between the Biden administration and Prime Minister Marape’s minions:

Biden: “I am very happy to be in, uh, Pappy, New England-- and just let me say, my uncle was eaten by your predecessors. No, true story!”

Marape: “Well, Mr. President, I’m sure he didn’t die in vain. In fact, I’m told we ate all of him, including the scalp and bones. Wasted nothing!”

Biden: “Good to hear, Prime Meridian, uh—um-- Minister…Me Rape!”

Marape: “Yes. And, as a goodwill gesture, you can see I have an agreement in my hands for both of us to sign, committing our nations to not eating each other’s citizens from this moment forward. No matter how delicious they may be. Surely this is an agreement we both can live with.”

Biden: “Excellent! That reminds me of a time…when…uh…when…um…well, never mind. By the way, what’s for dinner? And where is Hunter? Hunter? HUNTER?”




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