Tuesday, December 22, 2020

Ohio To Allow Wrestling But Not Handshakes


              Some things just make one say “hmmm.” But, everything doesn’t have to make sense, especially not in a COVID-19 world. Which is nice, because almost nothing does. Take Ohio’s decision to allow high school wrestling matches this late fall and winter. That isn’t necessarily the head-scratching part, however. Yes, it is the most physical of all sports, with contestants grappling and grabbing each other’s body parts like Democratic politicians at a drunken orgy. What is inexplicable is that the wrestlers won’t be allowed to shake hands before or after their matches. That’s right, they can be face to face, grab each other’s crotches, and stuff their noses in backsides and armpits for nine floppy, sweaty minutes a match, but will not be permitted to shake the hands of-- or high-five-- their opponents. Or coaches. In the interests of safety, of course. Fist-bumping is right out.

            Additionally, the combatants must not congregate “before or after practices or games,” must “observe social distancing of 6 feet” while on the team bench, and must not “share equipment, towels, facial coverings, water bottles, other drinks or food.” Additionally, they must wear facial coverings at all times “when not actively competing or warming up.” (In other words, when not exerting and breathing hard.) Moreover, coaches will not be permitted to share “clipboards, whiteboards, dry erase boards or any other equipment used for coaching purposes.”

              Wrestling officials, who spend much of each match prone on the mat (inches away from the grunting, maskless wrestlers) looking for “pins,” will also not be required to wear masks during matches but will be forbidden from holding up the winning wrestler’s arm at the match’s conclusion. Right.

              This is just part and parcel with the illogic and insanity that has permeated officials’ and experts’ responses to the coronavirus plandemic. It’s okay to shop at Costco, Walmart, Target, and massive shopping centers, but not to eat at a local restaurant or go to the gym. Or help your neighbor carry in the items they purchased at Costco, Walmart, Target, and massive shopping centers. Got it?

              So go ahead, per our experts, and have sex with a stranger, but do not kiss them or shake their hand before or after having vaginal, anal, or oral sex with them! Because, you know, it’s always better to be safe.

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