Thursday, December 17, 2020

Ben & Jerry's Honors Colin Kaepernick With New Ice Cream Flavor

              Iconic left-wing ice cream manufacturer Ben & Jerry’s recently announced that it is releasing a new flavor in honor of former NFL quarterback-cum-activist Colin Rand Kaepernick. In a nod to Kaepernick’s veganism, the Vermont-based dairy-product dispenser issued a press release stating that the new confection is a non-dairy flavor called “Change the Whirled,” which consists of a caramel sunflower butter base with fudge chips and graham cracker and chocolate cookie swirls. An anonymous source tells me Change the Whirled beat out other flavors and names including “Whirled Peas” and “Black Chives Matter.”

The company’s statement said the new flavor "celebrates Kaepernick's courageous work to confront systemic oppression and to stop police violence against black and brown people. Ben & Jerry's believes Kaepernick represents the very best of us, willing to use his power and platform in the pursuit of equity and justice rooted in a commitment to love and resistance.” And attention and virtue-signaling. The company added, "We are so inspired by Colin Kaepernick's bold activism for racial justice that we did what we do best: We whipped up a euphoric flavor to honor his work. ... we're proud to be working with a dedicated activist like Colin Kaepernick, whose work helped spark the international conversation around racial justice."

The company forgot to add, “We are so pleased to be able to play a small part in helping to dismantle law enforcement agencies to ensure that untold millions will be left unprotected or killed, many clinging to life for long stretches of time without help or hope.”

Look for Ben & Jerry’s to honor teenaged climate change alarmist Greta Thunberg with a new product soon. And, in the coming months, they will likely release a series of delightful new frozen delectables dedicated to honoring progressive politicians and members of the Biden administration. The one dedicated to Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez could be called “LatinX…tacy,” or some such drivel. Elizabeth Warren’s could be corn-based and named “A-Maize-Me.” Joe Biden’s could be labeled “Chinese Melt & Rocky Road Initiative.”

If the company valued truthfulness and transparency, all of these honorific offerings would be chock full of nuts.


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