Monday, September 28, 2020

Church Of Iceland Ad Features Jesus With Breasts


            The Church of Iceland unveiled a new ad welcoming Sunday Schoolers recently. The ad appeared on the Church’s Facebook page on September 11th (what is with that date?!) and featured a bearded Jesus Christ sporting breasts, makeup and a dress while dancing under a rainbow. After pushback, the ad has been removed from the Church’s Facebook page, but was slated to remain on buses in the nation’s capital of Reykjavik indefinitely.

            After a few unsophisticated rubes objected to their Savior being depicted as a transgender person celebrating the LGBTQ lifestyle, the Church released a statement reading: “The 2020 Assembly of the National Church regrets that the picture of Jesus in a Sunday school advertisement has hurt people. The goal was to emphasise diversity, not to hurt people or shock them.”

Petur Georg Markan, media representative for the Church of Iceland, averred that it is a positive for Jesus Christ to appear in different forms and stressed that the church celebrates diversity. He noted of the ad: “We see a Jesus who has breasts and a beard. We're trying to embrace society as it is. We have all sorts of people and we need to train ourselves to talk about Jesus as being 'all sorts' in this context.” Markan added: “It's really important that each and every person see themselves in Jesus and that we don't stagnate too much. That's the essential message. So this is okay. It's okay that Jesus has a beard and breasts.” Everyone say it with me now: “It’s okay that Jesus has a beard and breasts.” It’s so good that “progressives” are giving Jesus permission to appear the way progressives want him to appear.

Markan also said that the same artist who designed the controversial ad will shortly begin work on a new campaign, saying, “Soon, we'll be introducing more personifications where, for example, you'll see Jesus making a contribution to environmental issues.”

This is so awesome! I look forward to other Christian churches depicting the Virgin Mary sporting facial hair and a ginormous penis. Maybe a really woke church could make an ad with the Father, Son and Holy Ghost portrayed as pangender transvestites. How cool would that be? Probably drive an increase in Sunday School attendance.

The possibilities are endless. Think of what could be done with Adam, Eve, Caen, Abel, Noah, etc., etc. And these kind of hip, progressive ads aren’t limited to Biblical characters and deities. George Washington could be recast as a non-binary, bisexual, mulatto. Abraham Lincoln could be shown to be a cross-dressing, two-headed paedophile with a prominent labia.  

The newer, woker, Jesus would not only “make contributions to environmental issues,” but could be pictured on the streets of New York, handing out fines to those who “misgender” others or are caught not wearing a facial mask during the current pandemic.

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