Saturday, August 3, 2019

"So Proud"

            The stories are now legion: a celebrity-- or other figure-- reveals how proud he, she or they is/are that their spouse, son, daughter, father, mother, grandparent or priest has come out as homosexual, bisexual or pansexual. The latest, apparently, is Brooks Laich, a Canadian ice hockey player whose wife, Julian Hough, came out as “not straight” in a recent interview. Hough, a 31-year-old professional dancer, “stripped down” for Women’s Health magazine’s Naked Strength issue and “opened up” about telling her husband of her sexuality, according to a report. Hough informed Women’s Health that she told her hubby: “You know I’m not straight, right?” (This seems a bit presumptuous insofar as she is married to him and the couple has presumably been routinely consummating their nuptials). To which Laich replied, “I’m sorry, what?” (Lending credence to my previous observation). Hough added, “I think there’s a safety with my husband now that I’m unpacking all of this.” He may well have wished Hough had left some “of this” packed.
            Nonetheless, in true woke fashion, Laich wrote an Instagram post after Hough’s magazine spread was published.  It stated: “So proud of my wife @juleshough for the woman she is, and her courage to share her journey of trials and triumphs!” Laich added, “Love you so much, babe!” Apparently, the feeling isn’t entirely mutual.

              The typical report of a man finding out his wife is “not straight” goes loosely as follows:

Man-- “I am so PROUD of my wife for coming out as a lesbian. I support her 100% in whatever she does. And for whomever she is or may become or identify as. To be perfectly straight with you, I was thrilled to discover she wasn’t straight. I couldn’t be prouder to realize that I am not man enough—or person enough—to satisfy her physical needs and desires. And when I realized that she never mentioned anything like this to me before we “got together,” I thought that-- just maybe-- I played a small part in her preference for women over men… and my heart swelled anew! I was SO PROUD that she came out in public, too, rather than just keeping it between us! Now the whole world knows the special relationship and joy we share! I must admit, I am proud of that, as well! And then, when she told me she has had literally dozens of female lovers in the few years we have been together, my heart fairly burst with PRIDE! I am even PROUD of being PROUD of her! In short, I just couldn’t be PROUDER!! Unless, of course, she came out as pangender or transgender…or both. Yup, so bleeping proud.”

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