Friday, August 16, 2019

Brazilian President: Poop Every Other Day

                A journalist recently asked Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro whether it was feasible to—simultaneously-- spur economic growth, feed the planet’s hungry, and preserve the environment. Bolsonaro replied: “It’s enough to eat a little less. You talk about environmental pollution. It’s enough to poop every other day. That will be better for the whole world.” I’m on it.
               Bolsonaro, who has been heavily criticized for a surge in deforestation of the Amazon region since he took office, recently sacked the head of the government agency that reported the increase in deforestation. If his advice is heeded, perhaps he will promote the head of the government agency that someday reports the decrease in defecation.
   Bolsonaro went on to recommend that folks pee only twice a day, sneeze no more than once a week and limit coughing to the noon hour of the first Thursday of every month.
   Some are accusing Bolsonaro of stealing neighboring Venezuelan President Nicol├ís Maduro’s plan for saving the planet, as most of Venezuela’s citizens are already down to pooping once a week…… and many will never defecate again (as they have crapped out). These last are climate heroes all. Posthumous awards to follow, hopefully.
  Perhaps Bolsonaro should be encouraged to talk to the homeless in London, Baltimore, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Seattle. Maybe he could inspire them to poop only every other day, as well.
  Let’s clean up the Earth, one street and sidewalk at a time. Thanks, President Bolsonaro. No shit.

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