A journalist recently asked Brazilian President Jair
Bolsonaro whether it was feasible to—simultaneously-- spur economic growth,
feed the planet’s hungry, and preserve the environment. Bolsonaro
replied: “It’s enough to eat a little less. You talk about environmental
pollution. It’s enough to poop
every other day. That will be better for the whole world.” I’m on it.
Bolsonaro,
who has been heavily criticized for a surge in deforestation of the Amazon
region since he took office, recently sacked the head of the government agency
that reported the increase in deforestation. If his advice is heeded, perhaps
he will promote the head of the government agency that someday reports
the decrease in defecation.
Bolsonaro went on to recommend that folks pee only
twice a day, sneeze no more than once a week and limit coughing to the noon
hour of the first Thursday of every month.
Some are accusing Bolsonaro of stealing neighboring
Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro’s plan for saving the planet, as most of Venezuela’s
citizens are already down to pooping once a week…… and many will never
defecate again (as they have crapped out). These last are climate heroes all. Posthumous
awards to follow, hopefully.
Perhaps Bolsonaro should be encouraged to talk to the
homeless in London, Baltimore, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Seattle. Maybe he
could inspire them to poop only every other day, as well.
Let’s clean up the Earth, one street and sidewalk at
a time. Thanks, President Bolsonaro. No shit.
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