Second Democratic Debates: The Debacle In Detroit—Highlights?
July 30 & 31, 2019
CNN Hosting, Don Lemon Moderator
Tuesday, July 30:
Lemon: “Mayor Buttigieg, given the president’s overt hatred
of all living things, is anything bugging you tonight?”
Buttigieg: “Yes, there is a smashed bug on my forehead. It’s
disgusting, but I don’t want to draw attention to it by removing it. I don’t
wish to give Trump the satisfaction. I’d probably get a new nickname.”
Lemon: “Indeed. Sen. Klobuchar, what do you say to those
Trump voters who prioritize the economy over
the president’s bigotry?”
Klobuchar: “Well, Don, I have had it with the racist
attacks. I have had it with a president that says one thing on TV, that he has
your back, and then you get home and you see those charges for prescription
drugs and cable and college. We shouldn’t have to pay for any of those things.
In fact, we shouldn’t have to pay for anything at all.”
Lemon: “Marianne Williamson, given Trump’s desire to
imprison or kill everyone in the LGBTQIIA+ community, preferably in the most
painful ways possible, how would you fundamentally change the tone coming out
of the Oval Office?”
Williamson: “Don, my dear Donald…we all just need to take a
deep breath and cleanse ourselves of the hatred and jealousy. If we get our
chakras right, everything else will be okay, despite Trump’s dark, psychic
force.”
Wednesday, July 31:
Don Lemon: “Vice-President Biden, would there be any place
for fossil fuels, including coal and fracking, in the Biden Administration?”
Biden: “No. We would work it out, and make sure it’s
eliminated, and no more subsidies for either one of those. Any fossil fuel. I’d
be the only fossil allowed in my administration. Hee, hee.”
Lemon: “Good one! Rep. Gabbard, do you believe the United
States should have gone to war in Iraq?”
Gabbard: “This current president is continuing to betray us.
We were supposed to be going after al Qaeda, but over years now, not only have
we not gone after al Qaeda… our president is supporting al Qaeda.”
Lemon: “Yes. Senator Booker, do you think Vice-President
Biden is equipped to handle criminal justice reform?”
Booker: “Mr. Vice-President, there’s a saying in my
community: ‘You’re dipping into the Kool-Aid, and you don’t even know the
flavor.”
Biden: “Hope it’s not Guyana Grape! Oh-three-oh-three-oh-three-oh.
I’ve found my three-oh ♪on
Blueberry Hill…♫”
Lemon: “Alrighty then. Senator Gillibrand, given
President Trump’s obvious repulsiveness and love of pathological behavior, what
would be the first thing you would do upon entering the Oval Office?”
Gillibrand: “The first thing I would do is Clorox
the Oval Office.”
Lemon: “What, it’s not white enough for you?! You
have to bleach it?”
Gillibrand: “That’s not what—”
Lemon: “Anyway, Mr. Yang, some Democratic politicians
believe we only have 10 or 12 years to fix climate change. Given that Trump
hates planet Earth, do we even have that long?”
Yang: “It’s already too late. We’re screwed. I propose to
give everyone in the world $1,000 to help them get to higher ground. That’s the
only chance we’ve got. We’ve all got to get to higher ground. Immediately.”
Lemon: “Mayor de Blasio, since we know that Trump likes to
torture animals and eat babies, what do you say to those who claim you have
been ineffective at best in running New York City?”
De Blasio: “F**k them! We need to tax the hell out of the
rich, Don. It’s the only way.”
Lemon: “No doubt. Former HUD Secretary Castro, since Trump’s
favorite historical figure is Adolf Hitler, how would you try to heal the deep
wounds that he has inflicted on the American populace?”
Castro: “I believe in open borders. Wide open. Actually, no
borders at all. That should heal everything. I also believe that Trump is a racist.”
Lemon: “Right on, brother! Sen. Harris, given that Trump is
fond of bestiality and pedophilia, what would you……”
[Ad Nauseum…fade]
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