Friday, August 2, 2019

Second Democratic Debate Recap: The Debacle In Detroit

Second Democratic Debates: The Debacle In Detroit—Highlights?
July 30 & 31, 2019
CNN Hosting, Don Lemon Moderator

Tuesday, July 30:

Lemon: “Mayor Buttigieg, given the president’s overt hatred of all living things, is anything bugging you tonight?”

Buttigieg: “Yes, there is a smashed bug on my forehead. It’s disgusting, but I don’t want to draw attention to it by removing it. I don’t wish to give Trump the satisfaction. I’d probably get a new nickname.”

Lemon: “Indeed. Sen. Klobuchar, what do you say to those Trump voters who prioritize the economy over the president’s bigotry?”

Klobuchar: “Well, Don, I have had it with the racist attacks. I have had it with a president that says one thing on TV, that he has your back, and then you get home and you see those charges for prescription drugs and cable and college. We shouldn’t have to pay for any of those things. In fact, we shouldn’t have to pay for anything at all.”

Lemon: “Marianne Williamson, given Trump’s desire to imprison or kill everyone in the LGBTQIIA+ community, preferably in the most painful ways possible, how would you fundamentally change the tone coming out of the Oval Office?”

Williamson: “Don, my dear Donald…we all just need to take a deep breath and cleanse ourselves of the hatred and jealousy. If we get our chakras right, everything else will be okay, despite Trump’s dark, psychic force.”

Wednesday, July 31:

Don Lemon: “Vice-President Biden, would there be any place for fossil fuels, including coal and fracking, in the Biden Administration?”

Biden: “No. We would work it out, and make sure it’s eliminated, and no more subsidies for either one of those. Any fossil fuel. I’d be the only fossil allowed in my administration. Hee, hee.”

Lemon: “Good one! Rep. Gabbard, do you believe the United States should have gone to war in Iraq?”

Gabbard: “This current president is continuing to betray us. We were supposed to be going after al Qaeda, but over years now, not only have we not gone after al Qaeda… our president is supporting al Qaeda.”

Lemon: “Yes. Senator Booker, do you think Vice-President Biden is equipped to handle criminal justice reform?”

Booker: “Mr. Vice-President, there’s a saying in my community: ‘You’re dipping into the Kool-Aid, and you don’t even know the flavor.”

Biden: “Hope it’s not Guyana Grape! Oh-three-oh-three-oh-three-oh. I’ve found my three-oh on Blueberry Hill…

Lemon: “Alrighty then. Senator Gillibrand, given President Trump’s obvious repulsiveness and love of pathological behavior, what would be the first thing you would do upon entering the Oval Office?”
Gillibrand: “The first thing I would do is Clorox the Oval Office.”

Lemon: “What, it’s not white enough for you?! You have to bleach it?”

Gillibrand: “That’s not what—”

Lemon: “Anyway, Mr. Yang, some Democratic politicians believe we only have 10 or 12 years to fix climate change. Given that Trump hates planet Earth, do we even have that long?”

Yang: “It’s already too late. We’re screwed. I propose to give everyone in the world $1,000 to help them get to higher ground. That’s the only chance we’ve got. We’ve all got to get to higher ground. Immediately.”

Lemon: “Mayor de Blasio, since we know that Trump likes to torture animals and eat babies, what do you say to those who claim you have been ineffective at best in running New York City?”

De Blasio: “F**k them! We need to tax the hell out of the rich, Don. It’s the only way.”

Lemon: “No doubt. Former HUD Secretary Castro, since Trump’s favorite historical figure is Adolf Hitler, how would you try to heal the deep wounds that he has inflicted on the American populace?”

Castro: “I believe in open borders. Wide open. Actually, no borders at all. That should heal everything. I also believe that Trump is a racist.”

Lemon: “Right on, brother! Sen. Harris, given that Trump is fond of bestiality and pedophilia, what would you……”

                                             [Ad Nauseum…fade]

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