Saturday, May 18, 2019

The "Cow Kiss Challenge"

                Tyrolean officials are warning people to stop French kissing cows.

                I must say, I never thought I would have reason to write that sentence. But it is, in fact, true.

                The Swiss app Castl created the phenomena by promoting its “Cow Kiss Challenge.” Castl has been encouraging people in Switzerland, Austria, and Germany to kiss cows, “with or without tongues,” for charity. “Snogging” cows, to use the British term, has apparently become all the rage in Austria, prompting politicians and farming officials to warn bovine bussers that they could be endangering the animals—and themselves— with their indiscriminate smooching. Many people have been filmed going into paddocks, or randomly approaching cows before laying a big, wet one on the baffled bovines.
                What’s the next “challenge?” The next frontier? Blowing into mountain goat’s ears? Giving steers a hand job?
                Josef Kossler, Tyrol’s state veterinary director, said that approaching cows looking after their calves could be “very dangerous,” going so far as to state that the “KuhKussChallenge” could lead to someone getting trampled to death. Tyrolean Chamber of Agriculture president Josef Hechenberger told Kurier: “The fact that our animals should be used for social media hype, I think, is very questionable, especially with regard to possible injuries.” Herr Hechenberger cautioned people to avoid engaging in the strange but trendy activity and urged those behind it to “rethink this project.” Austrian agricultural minister Elisabeth Kostinger took to Twitter to say: “Actions like these are dangerous nonsense. I have not the slightest understanding for a challenge of this kind!"

                You and me both, Ms. Kostinger.

   She added, “Pastures are not petting zoos. Mother cows protect their calves and become aggressive if you do not behave properly.” As well they should. #MeTooMoo.
   The cows have to be thinking, “It’s not enough that they’re pulling on our teats all the time, now they want to take the relationship to another level! Lord knows where their mouths have been! At least bring me a bottle of wine or a Hallmark card!”

   The hills are alive with the sound of “moo-sic”
   With songs they have sung for a thousand years
   The hills fill my heart with the sound of moo-sic
   My lips want to kiss every cow they near

   I go to the hills when my heart is lonely
   I know I will hear what I've heard before
  My heart will be blessed with the sound of moo-sic
  And I'll snog a cow once more

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