Burger King Introducing Mood Meals

            Burger King is about to let its customers have it their way…based on what kind of mood they’re in at the time they order. The chain recently announced the launch of a new collection of meal boxes designed to compete with—or mock-- McDonald’s “Happy Meals.” BK will offer Whopper-based meal boxes in a variety of different moods, though “happy” won’t be an option.

The company partnered with Mental Health America on the May campaign to coincide with Mental Health Awareness Month. The Miami-based restaurant giant issued a press release stating flatly: “No one is ‘Happy’ all the time,” and adding, “With the pervasive nature of social media, there is so much pressure to appear happy and perfect.” By contrast, The King will encourage patrons to “be and feel their way.” Mood boxes will include “YAAAS” (slang for yes), “Salty,” “Blue,” “Pissed,” and the soon-to-be-popular “DGAF,” the acronym standing for “Don’t Give A F—k.” I kid you not. (And, for the good of the republic, let’s hope not too many kids ask for this box).

Burger King already offers an “Angry Whopper,” so I’m assuming they will go in the “Pissed” box. Perhaps their “King” sandwiches can go in the “Bossy” mood boxes and their chicken products in those marked “Frightened.” Hopefully, BK will announce a new “Nothing Burger” to go inside “Apathetic” and “Indifferent” boxes. Will there be an endless selection of mood boxes? “Amused,” “Blissful,” “Calm,” “Flirty,” “Mellow,” “Silly,” “Sympathetic,” “Annoyed,” “Depressed,” “Frustrated,” “Grumpy,” “Melancholy,” “Pessimistic,” “Restless,” “Sad,” “Stressed,” collect ‘em all! “Envious?” Must be a “Whopper” inside.

“DGAF” boxes seem rather mild and routine. They’re probably for those who are just mostly unconcerned. I would hope to see “Don’t Give A Flying F—K” (DGAFF) boxes and “Don’t Give A Rat’s Ass” (DGARA) boxes for those who really, truly don’t care at all.

I’m guessing the chain soon introduces “Woke” breakfasts with menu items like “Veggie Breakfast Burritos,” and “Hashish-browns.” What could be more natural? In point of fact, BK has already added the “Impossible Burger” to its menu, a plant-based “burger” that supposedly tastes like meat but is made of soy protein, coconut oil and heme. (The Impossible Burger must come in the “I’m Virtue-Signaling Today”—IVST-- box).

Someone once said, “The times, they are-a-changin’.” You couldn’t have taken your family down to the local fast-food joint in the not-too-distant past and ordered a “Don’t Give A F—K Meal.” Don’t tell me progress isn’t real.

“A box that says ‘blue,’ a box that says ‘fright,’ whatever kind of mood you’re in tonight. I’ll meet you any time you want, in our Burger King restaurant.”

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(McDonald’s, BK’s arch-competitor, reported strong sales in the first quarter of this year, driven by new menu items and promotions, including its new donut sticks and bacon-loaded items. Now those are “Happy Meals.”  That chain will have happy customers. If only for a short while).