Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Bill Nye The Pseudo-Science Guy

                Bill Nye (“the Pseudo-Science Guy”) attempted to explain climate change on a recent episode of “Last week with John Oliver.” There was a twist. He decided to do so using frequent profanity. Oliver was purportedly fact-checking Democratic New York Rep. Alexandria Occasional-Cortex’s Green New Deal “Plan,” in the context of a newly released U.N. report that the Earth could be inalterably altered by climate change as soon as 2040. Master Oliver asked Nye if he had a way to visually illustrate his remarks, sarcastically saying: “Bill, please, please! Do you have a fun experiment for us?”
                Nye then appeared via video in his lab coat, standing behind a table sporting a globe, blanket, fire extinguisher, and mound of sand. The sober man of science said, “Safety glasses on” and then averred: “By the end of this century, if emissions keep rising, the average temperature on Earth could go up another 4 to 8 degrees.” Warming to his own noxious emissions, he added: “What I’m saying is, the planet’s on f***ing fire!” He then pulled out a blowtorch, aimed it at the globe, and lit it on fire, saying, “There are a lot of things we could do to put it out,” and motioning toward the sand, blanket and fire extinguisher. Increasingly distraught, Nye rhetorically asked, “Are any of them free?” before yelling, “No, of course not, nothing’s free, you idiots! Grow the f**k up! You’re not children anymore! I didn’t mind explaining photosynthesis to you when you were 12, but you’re adults now, and this is an actual crisis! Got it?!”
                The now Well-Nigh Crazy Guy culminated his demonstration by saying, “Safety glasses off, motherf***ers,” and stormed out of sight, exasperated by the sheer stupidity of anyone who would deign to question him.
                Grow the bleep up? Like you, Billy? By throwing a public temper-tantrum when you know someone doesn’t agree with you? By being a potty-mouth, acting out, and angrily walking away to go pout for a while?
                Take your own advice, Billy boy, and grow up. Tell us, if you can, how photosynthesis applies to the Green New Deal, but stop trying to tell us the planet is moments away from spontaneously combusting.
                Fake science may be worse than fake news.

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