“Talkin’ Socialism with Bernie and AOC!”
May 29, 2019
NPR--
Voiceover: “Good evening and welcome to today’s program.
Today, Bernie Sanders, an Independent Senator from Vermont and 2020 Democratic presidential
candidate, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Democratic U.S. Representative from
New York’s 14th district, talk about socialism and the issues of the
day. The program runs about 10 minutes and is commercial free. Enjoy…”
Bernie Sanders: …“As I was saying, Alex, breadlines
are a good thing!”
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: “That’s right, Bernie! And there
will be a lot of them if the Green New Deal gets implemented! There’ll be,
like, breadlines all over the effing place!”
BS: “That’s what I’m
talkin’ about, baby doll! Eff the rich!”
AOC: “And lines for, like, potatoes, toilet paper, and everything
else, too.”
BS: “Those are the best lines, actually!”
AOC: “My favorite
lines are white and powdery!”
BS: “Ha, I gotcha, you go girl! Have a Coke and a smile we
used to say!”
AOC: “But seriously, I wish there were breadlines in New
York City. That’s why I
chased Amazon away.”
BS: “I wish there were breadlines outside of all three of my homes. Especially my
vacation home on Lake Champlain. That would be cool. Eff the rich!”
AOC: “What are some other good things, Bernie?”
BS: “Gas lines! Gas lines are very, very good things! And
long waits for health care! These are signs that the rich don’t unduly
influence a society!”
AOC: “And punitive taxation, redistribution, and rationing
are, like, the keys to a healthy, vibrant, like, thriving society, right?”
BS: “Absof*ckinglutely, my dear. More good things!”
AOC: “Cow farts are bad, though!”
BS: “That they are. Do you mind if I pinch your nipples?”
AOC: “What the hell?”
BS: “Sorry! What I meant
to say was: as long as no money goes to the rich, everything will be fine. All
money should go to the poor.”
AOC: “I agree, but like, now, I’m like, getting all confused.
If all money goes to the poor…won’t they be rich?”
BS: “No. The poor can’t be rich, just like people of color
can’t be racist and straight white males can’t be discriminated against.”
AOC: “Cool, that makes me feel better! Thank you, Bernie!”
BS: “Don’t mention it, baby.”
AOC: “But how come everyone
can’t be rich, Uncle Bernie?”
BS: “What the hell do I look like, an effing guru? Einstein?
Nostradamus? I don’t know…probably
the Jews fault.”
AOC: “Probably.”
[fade]
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