Monday, February 11, 2019

Yes, Santa Claus, There Is A Virginia

             Dear Blogger—I am 1,749 years old. Some of my little friends (the elves) say there is no Virginia anymore. They say if you read it in The Times or The Post it’s so. You are known for telling the truth. So, please tell me the truth. Is there a Virginia anymore?

-Santa Claus, Main Post Office, Fl-96930 Arctic Circle

Santa Claus, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their innocent little minds. In this Brave New World of ours, the Governor of the state can apologize for appearing in blackface in his school’s yearbook 35 years ago and then deny it the next day-- while also admitting he wore blackface on another occasion. Most of us no longer possess the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge…that the state’s attorney general also admitted to wearing blackface. And that its Lieutenant Governor, who is black, must try to save face now that he has been accused—twice—of sexually harassing a woman, one of whom while attending the 2004 Democratic National Convention.
Yes, Santa Claus, there is a Virginia. It exists as certainly as lust and stupidity and bureaucracy exist, and you must know that they abound and give to your “naughty” list its countless pages. Alas! How boring would be the world if there was no Virginia, the home of bureaucracy! It would be as boring as if there were no Santa Claus. There would be no childlike faith in government, or in people you don’t even know bringing gifts to you for free! There would be no usery, no bribery, no illicit romance to make life tolerable on social media. We should have no unemployment, except of greed and might. The eternal blight with which officialdom fills the world would be extinguished.
So Yes! Yes, Santa Claus, there is a Virginia! (And Virginia is for bureaucrats).
George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and James Madison begat (Governor) Northam, (Lt. Gov.) Fairfax and (Attorney General) Herring? Darwin, you’ve got some explaining to do.

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