Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Galentine's Day

                Did you have a nice Galentine’s Day?

    “Galentine’s Day” has leapt off of your television screen and become a real-life holiday. In 2010, “Parks and Recreation” character Leslie Knope exclaimed: “Every February 13th my lady friends and I leave our husbands and our boyfriends at home and we just come and kick it, breakfast-style. Ladies celebrating ladies. It’s like Lilith Fair, minus the angst. Plus frittatas.”
                Sites such as Martha Stewart Weddings are down with the new day, as well. It has a listing of “Galentine’s Day Gifts for Your (Other) Soulmate,” featuring various gal gifts plus a shirt averring “The Future is Female.” 25% of the proceeds from the sale of this shirt go to Planned Parenthood. Yay! Screw love, devotion and the miracle of birth, nothing says “Galentine’s Day” like helping to fund infanticide! You’ve come a long way, baby! Down a road that ought not have been travelled.
                The Left targets, politicizes and weaponizes everything there is. Love, sex and child-birth are no exceptions…because there aren’t any. The extraordinarily rapid evisceration of traditions and standards will continue until either Conservatives fight back—or there are no more traditions and standards.
                Where are the “masculists?” I propose we institute and celebrate “Malentine’s Day.” What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, right? We’ll drink beer, watch sports and just kick it, strip-club style. It’ll be like the Super Bowl, minus the angst. Plus tatas.
                Galentine’s Day celebrates females. Malentine’s Day will celebrate males…and masculinity. The former is lauded, the latter will be reviled. Malentine’s Day will be a tribute to all those men who’ve died over the centuries to give us our freedom. To those who sacrificed their lives to save others or end slavery. It will be a tribute to all the dads who worked themselves to death so their children wouldn’t have to. It will be a tribute to the special forces, to policemen and firemen. And it will be a tribute to the men who drive a drunk girl home and refuse her advances. And to those who stand on a girder or I-beam 60-floors up, bringing buildings—and dreams—to life. To those such as the men who stormed the beaches at Normandy, and somehow found the courage to climb nearly vertical cliffs, into a living Hell of intense gunfire, to rescue a continent and allow freedom to ring once more. And to those now like them, who are routinely savaged as possessing “toxic masculinity,” and bear the ignorant smears with dignity, while continuing to do what they know is right. We will raise our Malentine’s Day glasses in a toast to all of you. As Winston Churchill once said, tears in his eyes, in a lonely and singular attempt to save humanity: “We shall never surrender!”
But this isn’t the only alternative holiday. “Indigenous People’s Day” has largely replaced Columbus Day. “Festivus” has supplanted Christmas in some secular progressive’s lives, due to the popularity of “The Seinfeld Show” in the 1990s. Festivus is observed on December 23rd, and includes the airing of grievances, a plain aluminum pole, and the defining of easily explainable events as “Festivus Miracles.” Ha, ha. Get it?  And there will be more and more alternative holidays in the progressive world to come.
Such as, July 3rd: “Dependence Day”—celebrating all the cultures/nations around the world that have been rendered dependent on the U.S. or that the U.S. has plundered and forgotten. Also, a tribute and affirmation to all those on the planet who rely on government for their very existence.
And the fourth Wednesday of each November henceforth shall be known as “Disapproval Day.” On this day, all the peoples of the world can bitch and complain about, well, everything, though most of the Earth’s truly disadvantaged and downtrodden will not do so. Western progressives, like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, however, will gleefully take the opportunity to disparage their lack of opportunity to disparage Western culture, religion, medicine and everything else. They will throw hissy fits, savage capitalism, free markets, republicanism, Republicans, Christianity, and the Constitution. And then they will check their smart phones, their stock portfolios, have a snack, and climb into their pre-heated Sleep Number beds to dream of revolution.

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