Fake Is The New Real

                Recently, Missouri became the first state in the nation to ban food makers from using the word “meat” to refer to, well, things that are not meat. The law is aimed at “non-traditional” meat products such as those derived from soy, tempeh and seitan. These have been known as “plant-based meats.” (Is there such a thing as “meat-based plants?”). The law also addresses lab-grown meat, made of cultured animal tissue cells, and forbids the misrepresentation of “a product as meat that is not derived from harvested production livestock or poultry.” 

                Not everyone is happy with the new law. Recently, the company that makes “Tofurky” filed an injunction in a Missouri federal court to prevent enforcement of the statute, claiming that preventing manufacturers from using the word is a violation of their First Amendment rights. Tofurky’s main ingredient is, of course, tofu.

                Tofurky CEO Jaime Athos released a statement about the suit: “I have always envisioned Tofurky serving a greater purpose beyond the plate, acting as an engine for global change. Using our privately-held position to extinguish threats to legal definitions of terms like ‘meat,’ is one way we can further our mission to help reduce global dependence on animal agriculture; therefore, improving environmental sustainability, animal welfare and human health.”

                Someone’s full of themselves. Possibly Tofurky, as well. And definitely bullshit. Though probably not from any production livestock. Maybe it’s artificial bullshit. “Tofushit?”

                But wait, there’s more. This post is a twofer.

                In a seemingly unrelated story, Toronto will soon sport a brothel featuring high-tech sex dolls made of silicone. It will be the first of its kind on the North American continent, following the hugely successful openings of similar establishments throughout Asia and Europe. Yes, “Aura Dolls” will be opening, so to speak, in a “strip” mall in September. Its website touts the “world’s most beautiful silicone ladies.” Specifically, there will be six of them available, including a Korean named Yuki, a Columbian name Jazmine, and an American named Scarlett. Frankly, I don’t give a damn. Where’s the transgender named Pat?

                The establishment’s proprietors say that people are welcoming the idea and “seem really excited to try it.” They encourage patrons to use protection, because, though the “prostitutes” are artificial, “there’s still a chance of getting any sexual disease.” Not from the silicone form itself, but from those enjoying it before you. Or, as Prince phrased it his song Little Red Corvette: “Cause I felt a little ill when I saw all those pictures of the jockeys that were there before me.”

                What do these two stories have in common? In both cases the flesh is fake. Fake meat, fake women. We are getting far too comfortable with fake things. Artificial intelligence. Fake sympathy…… otherwise known as virtue-signaling. Fake news.

                Our increasing appetite for fake things……is a real problem.