This
past week, where I reside, the temperatures were above normal due to global
warming. (In this area of the country, it is always wonderful to be able to be
outside without a parka, boots, hat and gloves and not be in danger of frostbite-
or worse). Cooler temps are forecast for this coming week and just last night
we received almost an inch of rain due to man-caused climate change. More
weather has been predicted for the rest of the month, and indeed into next
month, as a result of our assault on the planet.
I was
late getting up this morning… due to the Earth’s changing weather patterns, so
I was in a hurry to get ready for work. I slipped getting out of the shower,
which was certainly because of the anomalous fluctuations in humidity brought
about by global climate change. While eating a bowl of Cap ’N’ Crunch cereal I
noticed that there appeared to be a slight inconsistency in the coloration of
the corn and oat bits- obviously attributable to the vast man-caused climatic changes
ravaging our crops. Worse still, when I went to turn on “The View,” my
television screen remained dark. It turns out the New England Patriots were
stealing my cable signal. When I was done with my breakfast, I went to the
kitchen sink to rinse off my dishes, but the water just trickled out of the
faucet. I have had an issue with a leak in the pipe leading to the faucet for
some time now. I wanted to get it fixed, but apparently Kim Davis somehow
pressured our local city clerks’ into refusing my plumbing permit application.
Before
leaving for work, I was going to let my dog out as per our normal routine.
Usually he races to the door, eager to
get outside for the first time on any given day, but I called out his name
again and again and he didn’t appear. I quickly became worried and assumed
Walter Palmer had shot him, but it turned out he was just preparing for a,
“Black Labs Lives Matter” rally.
Anyway,
I got in my car and headed to work. It was running rough, due to the growing El
Nino’. Arriving at work, I turned on my computer, only to find that it was very
slow this day. I looked at my network and found something odd. I called I.T.
and they confirmed my suspicions. Hillary Clinton was sharing my server.
Later,
my wife called me to let me know that our SUV’s head-gasket was blown. She was
at the dealership trying to get it fixed. The mechanics said the failure
occurred due to our over-exploitation of the planet. On the way home from work,
there were several accidents on the roadways, due to El Nino,’ so I got home
late. Chatting with my son at dinner I discovered that his teacher had told him
the only reason he was getting good grades was because of “white privilege.”
That
evening found me a bit depressed by the events of the day, so I poured myself a
beer and went into the den to see if the Patriots had quit messing with my
cable signal. They hadn’t.
The
beer was flat, but I spilled most of it on myself, anyway.
Damn
global warming!
No comments:
Post a Comment