June 25, 2016
Pressure is mounting today for Congress to change the name of the capital district. Various Gay Pride organizations and a vast assortment of other groups, individuals and companies are lobbying for the area to be rechristened “Hay, D.C.,” after Harry Hay, known as the Founding Father of the Gay Rights Movement. States and cities across the country are also scrambling to change their names from those honoring our revolutionary-era Founding Fathers in order to foster progressiveness and tolerance “ and throw off the yoke of stale, pale tradition and let our Freak Flags fly, baby,” according to an official with the city of Madison, WI. (The official believes that Wisconsin’s capital city will soon be known as Kamenyville in honor of Frank Kameny, another legendary pillar of the push for Pride).
There was some early debate over calling our nation’s capital city “Hay, D.C.,” as several lawmakers thought it sounded too much like “hayseed,” and “no one likes those damn hayseeds, and we don’t want to be associated with them in any way,” stated a congressional spokesperson. But then the head of the Committee for Renaming Important Municipalities and Entities (CRIME) stated that, if anything, it was far more likely that people would hear it as “AC-DC,” and any skeptics were appeased. A motion to proceed was granted. A final vote is expected as early as tomorrow.
A breathless nation awaits!