Sunday, October 12, 2014

The Democratic Bill of Rights

*Amendment I- Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of non-religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech of those in government or Hollywood, or of the press, except Fox News; or the right of (approved groups) of the people  peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

*Amendment II- A very well regulated militia, being necessary to help feed and immunize underprivileged peoples around the world and showcase the potential of a truly diverse social organization free of bias against sexual orientation, gender identity and religious  affiliation, the right of the people to keep and bear their arms- and legs- shall not be infringed.

*Amendment III- No Conservative shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

*Amendment IV- The rights of some of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, unless the Government thinks it best for the greater good, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized, unless the IRS- or other Government Agency- deems it necessary to protect said Agency from the people.

*Amendment V- No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime against a conservative, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger and even then not if they are Islamic extremists; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without the due process of law unless we don’t like your kind; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation, except in cases where we want to.

*Amendment VI- In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed; which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence, unless a conservative (or a member of a conservative-leaning group), especially a Tea-Bagger- or Rick Perry.

*Amendment VII- In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury shall be otherwise reexamined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law… unless Al Franken or Nancy Pelosi say  otherwise.

*Amendment VIII- Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted… except on the Koch brothers, Mark Steyn and Michael Savage.

*Amendment IX- The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the Congress, President and Judiciary; nor of Big Media, Big Academia, Big Labor, Hollywood, etc.

*Amendment X- The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, should have been! Therefore, the duty of abject obedience (to Federal Power) is reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.
(The actual first ten Amendments to the Constitution of the United States- known as 'the Bill of Rights'- were ratified on December 15th, 1791. I'm guessing  Democrats would like to see this, their dream- version of the Bill of Rights, enacted around December 15, 2016. The current version of the Bill of Rights was ratified by those such as Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Franklin, etc. The replacement edition would be either accomplished by Executive Fiat or Judicial Decree...or 'ratified' by the August modern-day body that includes such political luminaries as Al Franken, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Barbara Boxer).

And a Bonus Amendment, the 11th!:

*Amendment XI- The Judicial power of the United States shall not be construed to extend to any suit in law or equity, commenced or prosecuted against one of the United States by Citizens of another State, or by Citizens or Subjects of any Foreign State, unless directed to be so construed by President Obama or the United Nations, in order to promote “One World Government."

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