Well prior to the Revolutionary War, many people felt that America should actually have been named Columbia after its discoverer, Christopher Columbus. In fact various Colonial poets used this term for her throughout the war. The word was first used by Phillis Wheatley, an African-American slave poetess in Massachusetts, in a poem honoring George Washington! Ironic, no? I wonder if she knew she was insulting Native Americans as she was honoring Columbus and the Father of Our Country?
There is currently, of course, a massive politically-correct push to slander Columbus into shame and obscurity. He was responsible, the p.c. crowd crows, for the disenfranchisement of the Indians, their subsequent high rate of alcoholism, the rape of the land, etc.
He was, somehow, not subsequently responsible for the massive gaming casinos across the country bringing hundreds of thousands of dollars into many Indian families, their status in many cases as a “sovereign” nation, and consequently not having to abide by our game and fish laws, etc. Nor their physical protection by the U.S. armed forces despite their “Sovereign Nation” status.
In 1784 King’s College in New York City was renamed Columbia College (since updated to Columbia University). This must be a bit of a puzzler to the p.c. crowd. Columbia is bad, as a tribute to Columbus, but we don’t want to endorse a monarchy either. Perhaps a good name for this particular institution of higher learning would be the “Non-Monarchical, Indigenous Peoples University” or NIPU.
There must be sweeping changes. Our sensitivity level must be ratcheted up to historic highs. No more can we excuse the indignities of the past. All the statues, streets, towns, rivers, public buildings, etc., currently named Columbia or Columbus shall be subject to an immediate name change.
The Columbia River must be renamed. All the towns and cities in the U.S. currently called “Columbia” (South Carolina, Missouri, et. al.) must be renamed. The dome of the Capitol building in Washington, D.C., is topped by a statue of “Columbia”, the long-time literary representation of the United States of America. This statue should be removed immediately, painted red, black, yellow and brown, rendered transgender, and given a tat and a tongue piercing. It could then be placed in Hollywood, perhaps atop the old “Columbia Pictures” (now known as “Columbia Tristar”) building.
CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System, must be recast as the “Indigenous Peoples Broadcasting System”, or IPBS.
Columbus, Ohio should be forced to immediately relinquish its name and henceforth be referred to as “Indigenous Peoples”, Ohio, or have the Blue Jackets forfeit every game this season.
And then there is the matter of the great grey elephant (I don’t mean Republican) in the room. The U.S. capital city itself will obviously have to be renamed. Henceforth, lawmaking will be done in Washington, District of Indigenous Peoples…or Washington, D.I.P.
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