February 14th, 2024
Honolulu-
Hawaii
has become the first state to approve Inter-Species Marriage. The decision to
yet again redefine marriage in Hawaii will take effect immediately. This comes
after the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled last month that the current law
defining “marriage” as between one human male and one human female is archaic
and discriminatory
and therefore unconstitutional.
Polls
show a majority of public opinion now in favor of the change. The new
policy paves the way for Inter-Species couples from around the country to flock
to Hawaii. Inter-Species Marriage advocates are saying that Hawaii will serve as a vivid,
positive example to other states that legalizing Inter-Species Marriage (ISM)
is workable, humane- and the right thing to do. They say it will not present
any challenge to traditional family life.
“Society
is progressing and evolving” said one ISM activist. “Inclusiveness and
tolerance are the keys to a healthy community. It is high time that we legally
recognize differently-specied couples.”
Canada
may also be moving to unshackle their ISM community. A three- member panel of
the Ontario Court of Appeal unanimously declared the current Federal definition
of marriage- as a union between one man and one woman- “woefully inadequate for
our times.” It ruled that under the Charter of Rights and Freedoms (Canada’s
version of the Bill of Rights) “the existing common-law definition of
‘marriage’ violates couples equality rights on the basis of
sexual orientation. In doing so, it offends the dignity of persons/animals in
Inter-Species relationships”.
ISM
supporters rallied in Washington earlier today. One stated for the record, “Look,
we sprang from the monkey’s womb, evolutionarily-speaking. We owe them, our
predecessors this at least. Are we who
climbed the ladder to the top now going to yank it away from those below? Does
anyone really want to prevent an intelligent, caring, family-oriented being
like a chimpanzee, who we share 99.5% of
our DNA with- more than I do with my in-laws it appears, lol- from enjoying a
protected, loving, sanctioned
relationship with, say, an Ivy-League professor
or an NPR host?
What a
beastly reality that would be.”
Some in
the Democratic Caucus are proposing legislation that would give special
protection & benefits to those involved in homosexual Inter-Species relationships.
A few
conservatives questioned the exigency of the proposed legislation and were met
with reasoned shouts such as “you hypocritical, ignorant, intolerant bastards…a
pox on all your houses!”
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