Biden Speech To Flood Victims

 

Makeshift stage somewhere in America

President Biden at podium, giving speech

October 5, 2023

 

President Biden: “I feel for all of you after a flood like this. I know many of you have lost your homes and businesses. (In a barely audible rasping whisper): And it’s a damn shame. (Much louder again): And, you know, I can symp—um, empath, uhh, empathize with you because, one time, when I had a bad back, the plug popped out of my hot water bottle and my shirt and pants got really, really wet.

“But tragedies like that don’t define us. I was one of the last men standing defending the Alamo! Davy Crockpot, um Crockett, died right next to me, in fact. We may have lost the battle, but we didn’t get our dauber down. No, we cried out, ‘remember the Embers!’—I mean ‘remember the Alamo’…and Curly! And I was in Ford’s Theater the night Lincoln was shot. That was a bummer, but it gave us a great joke: ‘Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?’ So, the great man didn’t die in vain.

“What’s more, as many of you may know, I was front and center with Dr. King in the Selma March to Montgomery back in ’65. That was tough…but the tough get going! Right? And you all will get going again, just like I did. I promise you!

“It was tough times when the Brits controlled this country prior to our independence. My great, great, great grandaddy suggested that Thomas Jefferson write the Declaration of Independence. And look how it turned out!

“I remember the space shuttle catastrophe in 1786, I mean 1986 I think it was. I helped Reagan write the speech he gave about the Challenger disaster. You know the one……we waved good-bye to them as they ‘slipped the burly bonds of earth’ to ‘touch the face of, you know, the thing.’

“Anyway, the point I’m making is that we are rezil, uhh, resilient. When life throws lemons at us, we make lemonade-- (leans forward and whispers softly) even though I’d rather have ice cream.

“I was raised by Potawatomi. We were poor. We had nothing but a tepee and moccasins. But I went on to drive 18-wheelers and teach political theory at The University of Pennsylvania and rocket science at the Goddard Institute.

“I better stop talking now or I’ll get in trouble. So let me conclude by saying I know you are all wet now, but believe me, things will get better from here. Thank you!”

[Looks around, unsure of what to do or where to go…]

                                                      FADE