Cigarette Smoking Orangutan Puts Zoo Under Fire

                 People around the planet are indignant that zookeepers at the Bandung Zoo outside of Jakarta didn’t do more to prevent an orangutan from smoking a cigarette. A recent video captured by a visitor to the zoo has gone viral. The video shows a man tossing his lit cigarette into the 22-year-old Bornean orangutan’s enclosure. The orangutan, named Odon, then picks it up, sits down and proceeds to puff away like Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca.

                The launching of the “heater,” and the subsequent smoking thereof, are acts considered so heinous by animal rights activists that they themselves “went ape.” The indignant ones condemned zookeepers for their apparent lack of supervision and zoo managers for their “lack of control.” That’s easy for them to say, but I doubt any one of these animal allies would have gone up to the primate and ripped the cigarette from his lips. After all, it’s possible Odon, like Tareyton fans in days of yore, “would rather fight then switch.”

                Seeing an orangutan with a butt in his mouth so frightened throngs of already unstable lefties that a change.org petition to “Shut down the Bandung Zoo now!” currently has almost 1 million signatures. These mooyaks are deeply troubled that some tobacco smoke might find its way into a simian lung, but are all for dismembering literally countless “fetuses” inside of—or partly outside of—women’s wombs. An old Virginia Slims ad states, “You’ve come a long way, baby.” That we have. Unfortunately, in the wrong direction.

                The zoo’s employees will likely be sent off to smoking re-education camp. Odon’s physical and mental health will surely be evaluated.

                Don’t be surprised if he’s given a prescription for medical marijuana.

               

Berkeley Now Cannabis Sanctuary

                The Berkeley City Council voted- unanimously- to make the California town a sanctuary city for recreational marijuana use (a bowl asylum?), according to The San Francisco Gate. The move prohibits city employees and agencies from turning over information on legal cannabis activities or assisting in enforcing federal marijuana laws. Potheads and providers are, like, pleased with the decree, thought to be the first of its kind.

                Mayor Jesse Arreguin spoke at the recent council meeting: “We’re keeping with the strong position Berkeley is a sanctuary for people in our community. I believe we can balance public safety and resisting the Trump administration.”

                City officials are so happy with Berkeley’s burgeoning reputation as a “sanctuary city” for illegal aliens and cannabis consumers, they are considering other groups and behaviors to single out as protected in their town. An anonymous source tells me the burg is currently mulling over proposals that could see it become a “sanctuary city” for serial jaywalkers, crack cocaine aficionados, pedophiles, the polyamorous, and transgender mulatto Episcopalian dwarves.   

                One thing is certain: it is not a sanctuary for sanity.

                                        **********************************

                (On a related note: there are still no known sanctuary cities for conservatives).

McDonalds Flips Its "M"

                 A number of McDonald’s restaurants around the U.S. have turned their iconic arches upside-down in honor of International Women’s Day. The flipped arches form a clear if rounded “W,” in “celebration of women everywhere.” Sadly, the gesture falls short of its intended goal, because the softer edges on the inverted arcs-- and appealing curvature-- no longer bear any relation to how we are supposed to think about women. But, hey, the important thing is that these virtue-signaling eateries have been compelled to trash the status quo. They have turned an “M” into a “W.” That, my friends, is progress!

                I’m waiting for Denny’s® to announce it will be Jenny’s®, at least for the rest of the month. I’m guessing we’ll also see “TGI Frida’s,” “Burger Queen,” “Pizza Slut,” and “Pink Lobster” signs popping up soon. I wouldn’t be surprised if “Hardees” became “Softees” and “Papa John’s” morphed into “Mama Joan’s.” Starbucks, that ubiquitous chain of coffee outlets, will almost certainly pronounce itself “Stardoes,” and adorn its Styrofoam cups with feminist heroes, images, and slogans.

                Conversely, if there were such a thing as a viable, media-recognized “International Men’s Day,” would any Wendy’s® restaurants go to the trouble of changing their signs to read “Mendy’s®?” For even 24 hours? Would Chick-fil-a voluntarily temporarily rebrand as “Dude-fil-a?” Is it likely that “Hooters” would become “Wieners?”

I think not.

There is a clear bias, a soft yet unyielding bigotry afoot in our land.

It is just not one leftists wish to recognize.

Mattel To Release Seventeen New Barbies!

            Mattel has announced that it will be adding 17 new Barbie dolls to its lineup. The new Barbies will be based on a mix of modern role-models and historical figures, and will feature boundary-breaking women from diverse backgrounds and fields.

            Lisa McKnight, Senior Vice President and General Manager of Barbie, stated via a press release: "As a brand that inspires the limitless potential in girls, Barbie will be honoring its largest line up of role models timed to International Women's Day because we know that you can't be what you can't see. Girls have always been able to play out different roles and careers with Barbie and we are thrilled to shine a light on real life role models to remind them that they can be anything."

                You can’t be what you can’t see? Really? That didn’t stop Barack Obama from thinking himself a deity. Muhammed Ali informed us that “he can’t hit what he can’t see,” referring to his pugilist foes, but I thought a person could be anything he or she could dream of being.

                The new line will include such modern role-models as Olympic Gold-medalist snowboarder Chloe Kim, “Wonder Woman” filmmaker Patty Jenkins, and boxing champion Nicola Adams. Historical Barbies, part of the “Inspiring Women” series, are modeled after artist Frida Kahlo, NASA mathematician Katherine Johnson, and famed pilot Amelia Earhart.

                Other women represented in the series are: conservationist Bindi Irwin, windsurfer Çağla Kubat, chef Hélène Darroze, volleyball champion Hui Ruoqi, designer Leyla Piedayesh, pro golfer Lorena Ochoa, journalist Martyna Wojciechowska, soccer player Sara Gama, actress Xiaotong Guan, prima ballerina Yuan Tan and designer Vicky Martin Berrocal.

A YouTube video features some of the women with their dolls, as part of the #MoreRoleModels campaign. A caption attached to the video states in part “…believing they can be anything is just the beginning, actually seeing that they can makes all the difference.”

Judging by their comments, it appears the girls are quite proud of their dolls. For example, Nicola Adams tweeted: “Proud to partner with @Barbie this #InternationalWomensDay to show girls – YOU CAN BE ANYTHING!” (Including a man, now! “Introducing the new Barbie & Ken Doll. All the parts in a single doll package! Just snap ‘em on and snap ‘em off. Convenient and versatile! 63 genders in one!”).

Mattel has not announced when the dolls will be available in stores, but the three “Inspiring Women” historical Barbies can be pre-ordered online for $29.99.

I’m thrilled to see the introduction of this new series of Barbies, but surely (Shirley?) this is just the beginning! Mattel has only revealed the tip of the diversity and inclusion iceberg. Inevitably, there will soon be a polyamorous Barbie, a public-assistance Barbie, and a Valley Girl Barbie. Mattel is based in California, after all.

Which means there will also soon be a Nancy Pelosi Barbie (says “President Bush” when you tap her knee!) and a Maxine Waters Barbie (incessantly spouts “Impeach 45!”). Ms. McKnight is right, the possibilities are endless. Undoubtedly, the company will soon offer dolls based on other iconic female figures like porn star Jenna Jameson, eugenicist and Planned Parenthood progenitor Margaret Sanger, and serial prevaricator Hillary Clinton.

The “Inspiring Women” series should quickly be expanded to include dolls representing Mary Tudor (Bloody Mary), Catherine de Medici (a.k.a. the “Black Widow”), Ranavalona I, and Ameila Dyer (look them up). There should be room for the likes of Patty Hearst, and Tamika Mallory, the Louis Farrakhan-admiring Women’s March leader, as well. The Tamika Mallory doll could be packaged  complete with inane signage and “pussy hat!”

Angela Merkel, Elizabeth Warren, Joy Reid, Joy Behar, Rachel Maddow, and Monica Lewinsky are just a few of the nearly incalculable numbers of women who are also richly deserving of the honor of being portrayed by a semi-inanimate, synthetic object marketed to children. 

(Also see my post of 6/28/2017, “Mattel Introducing Fifteen New Ken Dolls!”)

Transmogrification

                Why is it that so many people are suddenly unhappy with the way God made them, particularly those who don’t believe God made them?

                It seems a growing number of women would rather be men, and a growing number of men are “identifying” as women. Jack wants to be Jill… and vice-versa.

                But that’s not all. Some brazen souls are really pushing the envelope and claiming to be of another race or even age. It’s difficult to imagine how someone can claim to be a different gender or race than the ones they were born as. Excuse me, the ones to which “they had been assigned” at birth. A phrase which makes it seem as if the “assigning” of “sex” and “race”-- and other characteristics-- were as casual and arbitrary as the doling out of athletic jerseys before a youth baseball game.  

   Coach: “Smith, here’s a men’s small, hope that works for ya’. Peterson, I’ve got a blue one here with your name on it…not literally, of course. Hah!”

   Doctor/nurse: “For the Smith kid, let’s go with white. Let’s call Peterson a boy. Let’s say White will be a black girl, and Johnson a boy, but, sorry son, a small one. Hah! Anderson, all I’ve got left is Jew, hope that works for ya’.”

   And it’s logically impossible for anyone to discount the age (date of birth) listed on a birth certificate.

   Then there are the true progressive pathfinders and pacesetters who claim to be another species. “Otherkin” are those afflicted with species dysphoria, and who apparently believe they possess the ability to transmogrify into any species of flora or fauna with which they purport to identify.

   Apparently, a very small number of us are even hell-bent on becoming cyborgs-- part man, part machine. Just in time for the onslaught of artificial intelligence! And so it goes. Where it stops, nobody knows.

  If a person doesn’t think transspecies-ism or the desire to be anything but what you are is a mental illness, they have a mental illness. Period. It is amazing to me that those who complain the most about being labeled— pigeon-holed, put in a box!-- as any specific gender, race, or sexual orientation, and who loudly proclaim the “fluidity” of these designations, are the very same ones who see everything only in terms of identity politics.

  Utopian dreams almost always lead to a dystopian reality. I can remove the tailpipe from my Mustang and place a bra on its grille, but it’s still a Ford, and an automobile, no matter how fervently I may wish otherwise. And it’s now louder, yet no less bug-ridden.  

Ayatollah Khamenei Lectures U.S. On Gun Control

Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei took to Twitter last week to call on the United States to repeal or ignore the Second Amendment to the Constitution in light of recent shootings that have occurred there.

Via a series of tweets, Khamenei wrote: "No one dares apply the clear solution to the promotion of guns and homicide in America. What's the solution? It's to make guns illegal. In U.S., 100s are killed every week by homicide for no crime—no reason—not at the hands of police, as US police brutality is a separate issue. The accessibility of guns leads to homicide; it's created problems for a country like U.S., everyone admits, fears, & is concerned about it. Gun companies are so powerful that House representatives and U.S. senators don't dare pass prohibition of guns, and U.S. president doesn't dare speak out, rise against it. This is corruption. Corruption means domination of a mafia greedy for power & wealth, in a way that the big political & military system like U.S. won't dare stand up for prohibition of guns—which is clearly positive. This is due to lack of spiritual ideals, leading western societies to this point."

It’s good to see that the Ayatollah was able to take a little time away from monitoring the imprisonment and slaughter of those protesting his brutal regime, and overseeing Iran’s various military interventions and proxies in Syria, Yemen, Lebanon, etc. This makes his remark, “US police brutality is a separate issue” even more precious. “But that’s for another tweet.”

His purported concern about “corruption,” and those “greedy for power & wealth,” is the stuff of stand-up comedy given the nature of his regime. All tyrants want—and need—to disarm their nation’s citizens to take and solidify their power. But my favorite line is the one where he notes that “the accessibility of guns” has “created problems” for the U.S., “everyone admits, fears, & is concerned about it.”

If the Supreme Leader has indeed lost sleep about this, it is for the same reason he denies the Holocaust took place: he wants to be the one to wipe out the Jews…and their benefactors.

If an astute observer reads between the lines of these most preposterous of tweets, he or she will discern his real message: “It is intolerable that those friends of the Jew-monkeys in the Great Satan should kill each other off before Iran itself can wipe the American imperialist running dogs off the face of the Earth forever!”

Speaking of Jews, in 1938 the Nazi government extended the German Weapons Act, which made gun ownership very difficult for its citizenry and banned Jews from owning firearms entirely. A few years prior to that, the Nazis had engaged in a massive nationwide seizure of weapons from political opponents. The Jews, of course, were among the targeted groups. In fact, in Breslau in 1933, Jews were ordered to surrender any firearms they might own to police authorities based on spurious accusations that some used their weapons for unlawful attacks on members of the Nazi organization and the police themselves.

Who doesn’t remember Hitler’s heartfelt plea to the U.S. government in early 1942? Der Führer sagt said: “The accessibility of guns leads to homicide; it's created problems for a country like the  United States; everyone admits, fears, & is concerned about it.”

The "War On Poverty" Revisited

                 If a person graduates from high school, gets a job, and eventually gets married--and is not an addict—it is literally virtually impossible for that person to be poor in the United States. And the vast majority of those officially considered “poor” in the U.S. own a smart-phone and more than one television. None of them are in imminent danger of starving to death.

                The federal government alone runs more than 80 welfare programs that provide cash, food, housing and medical care to low-income Americans. Federal and state spending on these programs in 2017 was $943 billion. That figure does not include Social Security, Medicare or Unemployment Insurance payouts. In fact, if the figure were converted entirely into cash, current means-tested spending is several times what’s needed to completely eliminate all poverty in the U.S.

                LBJ’s federal government launched the “War on Poverty” over 50 years ago. Since then, Uncle Sam has spent $22 trillion in an attempt to eradicate poverty. Try to comprehend that. Twenty-two trillion dollars. The Daily Signal notes that, “If you laid a trillion $1 bills end to end, they would reach the sun. Now multiply that by 22. That’s enough for 11 round trips.” It is more than the vast majority of countries have spent, period, in their existence.

                What was the result of this war?

                Uncle Sam lost. Big.

According to recently released Census Bureau figures, the nation’s poverty rate is now 14.5%, virtually identical to what is was in 1967, at the beginning of the “war.” Talk about “bang for your buck!” and “return on investment!” We would have been equally well off if we’d shredded all that cash for use in confetti cannons. And think of the opportunity cost. What if we’d used all or some of it for defense spending or infrastructure improvement? Hell, we could’ve taken a paltry $2 trillion of that and given every man and woman over 18 in the country $10,000 to go to a casino and bet on red. Speaking of red, what if we’d actually paid off the bleeping debt, which currently stands at about $21 trillion, $1 trillion less than the $22 trillion we’ve spent on what really is a “War on Destructive Decision-making?”

At the end of the Obama administration, more people were on food stamps than ever before in American history. Nearly one-third of American families receive some form of government “benefit.” Formerly illicit drugs are being legalized in many states and localities. Church attendance is down. The elites in academia, entertainment, big business and the media openly--and incessantly-- mock Christ and Christianity. And now several Christian denominations are essentially doing the same thing.

Fifty years ago, seven percent of children were born out of wedlock. Today 41% are.  We’ve attempted to outsource our personal responsibility to an outside entity. As if that were possible. And, we don’t wish to acknowledge the consequences. We hate consequences. Consequences are not very tolerant.

Leastwise, not as tolerant as we are.

Ark Of The Sky

                There’s been a tremendous amount of airline news lately, much of it involving animals.  A couple weeks ago, United Airlines denied a customer’s “emotional support peacock” access to her flight, an act so heinous it quickly went viral. Shortly thereafter, Spirit Airlines callously refused to allow another woman’s emotional support dwarf hamster to board her flight. Formerly content to rely on “service dogs,” if absolutely necessary, Americans have now managed to connive doctors into certifying all manner of creatures as “emotional support” animals, including squirrels and snakes. And peacocks and dwarf hamsters, apparently.

                The airlines have become increasingly alarmed at the growing menagerie invading airports across the country. Many passengers are also upset with the trend, and believe their fellow flyers are taking gross advantage of a federal law designed to help those truly in need of aid and succor, in an attempt to get their own garden-variety (literally true in some instances) pet on board. In just one year, from 2016 to 2017, for example, American Airlines recorded a 40 percent increase in customers who flew with a service or support animal. In light of this, some airlines are starting to tighten restrictions on these critters, citing clear issues of safety and health.

                I wanted to see how accommodating my favorite airline would be, so I headed off to the airport, emotional support warthog at my side.

An airline official said he wouldn’t let him on the plane! Can you believe it? What a bore! He must be a piggot!

                And they call it “the friendly skies.” United we stand?

                I think not.

Johnnie Walker Launches "Jane Walker" Campaign

            Johnnie Walker recently announced a new promotion highlighting the company’s “commitment to progress,” and gender equality. The new “Jane Walker” campaign will begin in March, just in time for International Women’s Day and Women’s history Month, when stores will begin to receive special edition bottles with a female figure in place of the traditional Johnnie Walker logo. As part of the female empowerment branding effort, the company will donate $1 for every bottle sold to organizations that champion women’s causes, up to a maximum of $250,000 (according to that fount of accurate reporting, CNN).

So, drink up, progressives! Drink until you’re drunk on empowerment, besotted with entitlement, and sloshed on your own superiority. 

Jane Johnnie Walker’s vice-president, Stephanie Jacoby, informed Ad Week that “important conversations about gender continue to be at the forefront of culture,” and therefore the company firmly believes that there is “no better time than now to introduce our Jane Walker icon and contribute to pioneering organizations that share our mission.” She added, “We are proud to toast the many achievements of women and everyone on the journey towards progress in gender equality.”

 She remarked to Bloomberg, “Scotch as a category is seen as particularly intimidating by women. It’s a really exciting opportunity to invite women into the brand.”

The loquacious Jacoby told yet another media outlet, Time, “We really see Jane as the first female iteration of our striding-man icon. We like to think of our striding man and our striding woman as really walking together going forward.” That’s such a beautiful image. Johnnie and Jane, staggering together into a progressive future. It won’t be long until transgenders and other “non-binary” gender identifiers appear on liquor bottle labels. The “Two-spirited” would be a natural on, say, a bottle of scotch blend.

In a rush to catch up to the virtue-signaling Johnnie Walker, and with Women’s History Month looming, many other food and beverage companies quickly announced their own progressive changes and campaigns.

Maker’s Mark is rebranding as Maker’s Marcie. Knob Creek is offering a spinoff called “Beaver Creek.” The Samuel Adams Brewery will henceforth be known as the Abigail Adams Brewery.

In addition, Jim Beam announced that it will be introducing a new “Joy” Beam label in the coming days. And Jack Daniels, naturally, plans to come out with “Jill Daniels” by the end of the week, replete with a new slogan: “Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of whiskey. Jack fell down and lost his frown…and he and Jill went for a tumble after! Wink, wink!”

Even non-alcoholic producers are getting into the act. Jack Links will reorganize as Jenny Links by the start of the second quarter, while Slim Jim will become Slim Janice. The Mr. Pibb brand of soda-pop will get a makeover as Ms. Pibb. Finally, in a move that stunned market analysts, the Dr. Pepper Snapple Group announced that the iconic “Dr. Pepper” brand will be relabeled “OBGYN Pepper” going forward.

Gorilla Warfare

                A statue of a gorilla at the Community Park Playground in Corsicana, Texas was removed by the city recently because some residents found it racially insensitive, according to a city spokesperson. Mayor Don Denbow stated, “We can understand this, because we have an obligation to listen to all our citizens, to determine what is offensive and not, especially in public places,” cbslocal.com reported.

                I can’t understand this, or the non-sequitur. How racist do those offended by the statue have to be? The implication that others looking at a statue of an ape would automatically think of a dark-skinned person is insane. (I’m guessing that is why they found it offensive. I can’t think of another reason for their deeming it objectionable. I had to think for a while to come up with that one). That association would never occur to me. These are the sort of folks that look at snowmen, sorry Prime Minister Trudeau, snowpeople, and see “honkies” or white supremacists. (Two eyes made out of coal? Grilling? Barbequed chicken? Ribs? Or, a fossil fuel that could be used to……start crosses on fire?! OMG! I feel faint!).

                Are there any statues, other than those of Rosa Parks or Martin Luther King, Jr., that we shouldn’t remove or tear down? If we are now banishing statues of animals, what will be next? Will we start sand-blasting gargoyles off of historic edifices?

                Let us at least give the verboten statuary a sanctuary of their own. Perhaps we can establish a Land of Misfit Statues, akin to the Land of Misfit Toys in the 1964 television classic “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” Burl Ives, you left us too soon. There oughta be a statue of you somewhere.

                Hmm.