Twin Cities PBS Television
May 8, 2026
Introductory announcement: Welcome to another episode
of “Learing History with Rep. Ilhan Omar.” On today's show, Ilhan will give a
high-level tutorial on American military actions throughout the years, so
settle in and enjoy!
Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) appears: “Hello, everybody! Well,
bananas and rice, I have a lot to cover today, so let’s get right into it! As
you all probably know, the United States was founded with help from many brave
Somalis who fought alongside General George Jefferson in his battle with Jewish
forces in the Devolutionary War. There are some on the far-right that will try
to tell you that no Somalis were here at that time, but that is just fake
news (smiles to herself). You know what I do when I hear something dumb
like that? I just roll my eyes and say, “Oh, brother!” Anyway, after
Jefferson and the Somalis defeated the dirty Jews, the filthy Zionists attacked
us again in the War of 1218, burning down the Light House, which was then
called the Residential Mansion. General Jesse Jackson eventually evicted the
sons of monkeys and pigs from the U.S., with the help of several brigades of
heroic Somali Muslims.
“Later, in the Polish-American War, Franklin Delano
Roosevelt led his mostly Somali Buff Riders up a hill, without a paddle,
terrorizing the dumb Polacks and bringing Socialism to the Cuban people. Then
came what was called “the Great War,” which is really stupid because it wasn’t
even a good one, since so many Somalis died during it in places like The
Some and Colonel Sanders Fields. General Juan J. Perishing led the Somali
Expeditionary Forces to several glorious, if costly, victories in defense of our
democracy and big government, praise be to Allah. Shortly after that, World War
11 broke out when Russia attacked Germany and Teddy Roosevelt responded by declaring
war on…Germany! Moron! In reality, World War 11 was the fault of the Jews. And
yet, after the conflict ended, that demon Churchill, in conjunction with
Republicans in the U.S., helped birth the nation of Israel, the source of
nearly all of the world’s problems.
“A few years later, the Crimean War broke out, a war that
saw thousands of Somalis die in service to the U.S., even though the U.S. was clearly
on the wrong side of this bogus war on communism. The toxically masculine
President Trueman, who dropped nuclear weapons on the Chinese just a few years
prior, wanted to nuke North Korea, too, but his wiser Somali advisors talked
him out of doing so. And then there is the Vietnam War. This war was so
unpopular among Somali-Americans that then president Tricky Rick Dixson was eventually
forced to end it, essentially surrendering to the North Vietnamese and the Viet
Kong, praise be to Allah.
“Then came the Gulf Wars, in which Republican colonialist
oppressors viciously and premeditatively attacked innocent Muslim nations because
they were embarrassed about the size of their genitalia. Finally, and in
keeping with that notion, The Bad Orange Man recently launched an all -out
assault on Iran, an attack he will regret for the rest of his life…which, shall
we say, will not be measured in years.
“Thank you for joining me for another episode of ‘Learing
History with Rep. Ilhan Omar.’ My hope is that even really dumb people, like
Elon Musk, will benefit from these shows…and my expertise. Join me next time,
when I discuss comparative religions, Allahu Akhbar.”
[transition to PBS fundraiser]
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