Scenes From the Democratic National
Convention
August 19-22
United Center
Chicago, Illinois
*Day
One: Hillary Clinton-- ”I was so sorry to hear of the unexpected and tragic passing
of Kamala Harris, our beloved standard-bearer! And from blunt head trauma!
Who could conceive of such a thing?! Bill and I were shocked—shocked I tell
you!—to hear of this dastardly deed! I just hope she is, once and for all,
unburdened by what has been!”
*
Day Two: Barack Obama, A.K.A. “The Lightbringer”--(“Blah, blah, blah, I am the
greatest, blah, blah, blah.” (Pauses talking about himself to bask in the
crowd’s adulation.) “…and so, it is my great honor to introduce to you…the 47th
president of these United States, my wife, Michelle Obama!” (Michelle comes
out, waving both arms.)
*Day
Three: Hillary Clinton—“I was so sorry to hear of the unexpected and tragic passing
of Michelle Obama early this morning…blah, blah, blah. And from strangulation?!
Who could even conceive of such a thing?! Bill and I were shocked to our very
core upon hearing this news!”
*Day
Four: Hillary Clinton-- “I am so honored…and so surprised…to be your
nominee for president in 2024!! Thank you all! Also, you might be asking
yourself why I’m not up 30 points by now…”
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