A Day In
The Life Of A Liberal
This morning I woke up late
because my alarm didn’t go off. At first I thought it was because Republicans
use so much electricity there wasn’t enough left over for me. Then I realized
that the “alarm” wasn’t even set, probably because of systemic racism. Anyway,
I quickly showered, ate, and went to the bathroom. (When I go “number two,” I
only use two squares of toilet paper, to try to save trees from being
murdered.)
I was in a hurry to get to
the “Rally to Ban Fossil Fuels.” But my Prius wouldn’t start, maybe due to man-caused
climate change. Like, what a bummer! There wasn’t enough time for me to walk to
the rally, and there was some snow and ice, making bicycling there kind of
dangerous. I would’ve taken a bus, but I’m allergic to the smell of diesel
fuel. So, I called an Uber.
Wouldn’t you know it, the
Uber driver’s car broke down shortly after he picked me up. The dude said
something about a tie rod or something. He said he knew it was in bad shape but
that he couldn’t get a new one for six weeks, because of supply-chain issues. Caused
by Donald Trump, I bet! Well, now I wasn’t going to make it to the rally, so I
walked home, pissed as hell. There is a Starbucks a block from my house, so I
stopped in to get a latte. There was a long line at the checkout. The employee
said they were short-staffed and had a hard time finding anyone to work, even
though the company had significantly increased pay and benefits. I think it
might have something to do with colonialism or the Patriarchy, but I’m not
sure. I asked they for a Caffe Misto…and got a Caffe Americano instead! Can
you imagine?! I was, like, so upset! Who wants a beverage touting American
imperialism?! But then I remembered to check my ableism.
I did complain about the store offering
a “Blonde Roast,” however. I even told they that I was going to write a letter
to the company telling them that reeks of white supremacy! “Blonde Roast” is
non-inclusive and, like, exclusionary. “Brunette Roast” or “Black Roast” would
be okay in an anti-racist sort of way. Even a “BIPOC Roast” would be better
than a “Blonde Roast.”
When I got home, tried to
call the nearest grocery store to see if they had organic Chai tea in stock,
but no one ever answered the phone. Damn global warming!
I’m telling you, if we don’t
completely do away with fossil fuels by 2030, the Earth will die.
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