A Day In The Life Of A Liberal
This morning I woke up late because my alarm didn’t go off. At first I thought it was because Republicans use so much electricity there wasn’t enough left over for me. Then I realized that the “alarm” wasn’t even set, probably because of systemic racism. Anyway, I quickly showered, ate, and went to the bathroom. (When I go “number two,” I only use two squares of toilet paper, to try to save trees from being murdered.)
I was in a hurry to get to the “Rally to Ban Fossil Fuels.” But my Prius wouldn’t start, maybe due to man-caused climate change. Like, what a bummer! There wasn’t enough time for me to walk to the rally, and there was some snow and ice, making bicycling there kind of dangerous. I would’ve taken a bus, but I’m allergic to the smell of diesel fuel. So, I called an Uber.
Wouldn’t you know it, the Uber driver’s car broke down shortly after he picked me up. The dude said something about a tie rod or something. He said he knew it was in bad shape but that he couldn’t get a new one for six weeks, because of supply-chain issues. Caused by Donald Trump, I bet! Well, now I wasn’t going to make it to the rally, so I walked home, pissed as hell. There is a Starbucks a block from my house, so I stopped in to get a latte. There was a long line at the checkout. The employee said they were short-staffed and had a hard time finding anyone to work, even though the company had significantly increased pay and benefits. I think it might have something to do with colonialism or the Patriarchy, but I’m not sure. I asked they for a Caffe Misto…and got a Caffe Americano instead! Can you imagine?! I was, like, so upset! Who wants a beverage touting American imperialism?! But then I remembered to check my ableism.
I did complain about the store offering a “Blonde Roast,” however. I even told they that I was going to write a letter to the company telling them that reeks of white supremacy! “Blonde Roast” is non-inclusive and, like, exclusionary. “Brunette Roast” or “Black Roast” would be okay in an anti-racist sort of way. Even a “BIPOC Roast” would be better than a “Blonde Roast.”
When I got home, tried to call the nearest grocery store to see if they had organic Chai tea in stock, but no one ever answered the phone. Damn global warming!
I’m telling you, if we don’t completely do away with fossil fuels by 2030, the Earth will die.