Tuesday, July 28, 2020

Biden: Nurses Blew In My Nostrils

              Democratic presidential nominee and basement dweller Joe Biden recently participated in a virtual town hall organized by the Service Employees International Union (SEIU) during which he called President Trump a “racist” and regaled virtual attendees with a story of his stay at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in 1988, where he underwent a microsurgical craniotomy to alleviate an aneurysm. The Silver Fox said, “I had a nurse at, uh, nurses at Walter Reed hospital who would bend down and whisper in my ear, and they’d go home and get me pillows. They would make sure… they’d actually…probably nothin’ ever taught in, uh, you can’t do it in a COVID time…they’d actually… breathe in my nostrils to make me move, to get…get me movin’.”
              Online videos reveal that, as Biden was “recollecting” this story, what I assume to be a nurse and member of the SEIU shared a split screen with him, keeping a poker face and occasionally mumbling something like “mmhmm” or “wow.” It is amazing that she just stood there and listened to the bizarre and preposterous tale without either questioning Biden or laughing out loud.
              Mouth-to-nose resuscitation is not now, nor was it ever, a medical practice. It is as yet unclear whether Biden made the story up out of whole cloth for some reason, or actually believes it occurred. Perhaps he conflated the story of his inflation with another life event. Where, exactly, did the nurses blow him, if indeed they blew him at all? Many of Biden’s anecdotes are of the “tall tales” variety. If his nose wasn’t blown into, it should be growing. Several of his accounts would earn “four pinocchios” from any reputable fact-checker for their blatant bogusness. Much of the time no one nose knows what he is talking about.
              If Biden is ever to leave his basement to engage the American people, or attempt to debate President Trump, it might be best-- for him-- if someone did blow into his nostrils…to get him movin’ again.
              If anyone ever needed to be reanimated, it is Joe Biden. If he isn’t somehow revitalized, revived and restored, Democratic-Socialists will attempt to carry him across the electoral finish line in Weekend at Bernie’s fashion. Sadly enough, given the current state of the political union, a Weekend at Biden’s ruse might actually work.

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