Charlotte Gill, proprietor of Charlotte’s Legendary Lobster
Pound in Southwest Harbor, Maine, is now offering to get lobsters high on
marijuana before cooking them for her customers. Gill, a licensed marijuana
caregiver in the Pine Tree State, apparently believes it is a more humane way
for the lobsters to meet their demise.
The
first lobster used as a guinea pig in her doping experiment she dubbed
“Roscoe.” Roscoe was put in a box with several inches of water at the bottom,
and marijuana smoke was then blown through the water, into the box. Voila, a
box-bong for shellfish! Gill claims Roscoe was much calmer and less aggressive
for the subsequent three weeks and didn’t try to attack the other lobsters in
his tank even though his claws were unbound. Yes, because he was stoned into
oblivion.
Gill
eventually released Roscoe into the ocean “as a thank you,” according to a
local newspaper. That’s great, send him out into the vast, unforgiving sea
docile and insensate, unable to defend himself because he’s baked like Cheech
and Chong. Nice thank you, Gill.
Gill
has dedicated a special outdoor station to lobster sedation. She plans to build
a bigger tank in the near future, one that will allow her to get multiple
lobsters wasted at one time. She says she doesn’t believe this practice will
impart the lobster meat with THC, as the lobsters will be steamed at
temperatures above 400 degrees before being served, thereby destroying any
residual traces of the drug. (This may be the first instance of lobsters being
“baked” before they are steamed).
What’s
next? Will other restaurants coke-up their crustaceans? Perhaps stone crab will
become stoned crab. Will it soon be best-practice to put cows on cocaine and chickens
on ecstasy before processing them?
Is “out
of the pot, into the kettle” really a giant leap forward for either crustaceans
or mankind?
Like,
probably not, dude, but I’m so blunted I don’t care!
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