Thursday, September 20, 2018

Restaurant Gets Lobsters High Before Serving Them

                Charlotte Gill, proprietor of Charlotte’s Legendary Lobster Pound in Southwest Harbor, Maine, is now offering to get lobsters high on marijuana before cooking them for her customers. Gill, a licensed marijuana caregiver in the Pine Tree State, apparently believes it is a more humane way for the lobsters to meet their demise.
                The first lobster used as a guinea pig in her doping experiment she dubbed “Roscoe.” Roscoe was put in a box with several inches of water at the bottom, and marijuana smoke was then blown through the water, into the box. Voila, a box-bong for shellfish! Gill claims Roscoe was much calmer and less aggressive for the subsequent three weeks and didn’t try to attack the other lobsters in his tank even though his claws were unbound. Yes, because he was stoned into oblivion.
                Gill eventually released Roscoe into the ocean “as a thank you,” according to a local newspaper. That’s great, send him out into the vast, unforgiving sea docile and insensate, unable to defend himself because he’s baked like Cheech and Chong. Nice thank you, Gill.
                Gill has dedicated a special outdoor station to lobster sedation. She plans to build a bigger tank in the near future, one that will allow her to get multiple lobsters wasted at one time. She says she doesn’t believe this practice will impart the lobster meat with THC, as the lobsters will be steamed at temperatures above 400 degrees before being served, thereby destroying any residual traces of the drug. (This may be the first instance of lobsters being “baked” before they are steamed).
                What’s next? Will other restaurants coke-up their crustaceans? Perhaps stone crab will become stoned crab. Will it soon be best-practice to put cows on cocaine and chickens on ecstasy before processing them?
                Is “out of the pot, into the kettle” really a giant leap forward for either crustaceans or mankind?
                Like, probably not, dude, but I’m so blunted I don’t care!

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