Wednesday, September 19, 2018

LGBTQ Freshmen Outnumber Conservatives At Yale

                A recent Yale Daily News survey of that school’s freshmen found that more of the students identified as members of the LGBTQ community than as conservatives. Over one-half of the class of 2022 took part in the survey, in which a total of 22% of respondents claimed to be either gay, bisexual, transsexual, asexual, “ace spectrum,” or questioning. Of the 864 young scholars polled, nine percent thought they were “somewhat conservative,” while only one percent admitted to being “very conservative.” (Everyone sing it with me now: “Nine of these kids just don’t belong here, nine of these kids just aren’t the same”). There are, apparently, more Hasidic Jew hairdressers named Adolph on campus than there are conservatives. Only 16 percent of those surveyed identified as Protestant, 15 percent as Catholic.
                A 2018 Gallup poll estimated that just 4.5% of all Americans identified as LGBTQ. Thank goodness for higher education! An earlier survey of Yale professors found that about 75%  identified as liberal while less than 10% purported to be conservative. Over 90% of faculty members in the humanities classified themselves as liberal, roughly equaling the same percentage of leftists as were found in the Supreme Soviet circa 1980. Even nearly two-thirds of STEM faculty identified as liberal.
                According to The College Fix, in 2015, Yale professors Nicholas and Erika Christakis became the targets of students vitriol after Erika had the balls to suggest that students shouldn’t be so quick to find offense with things such as Halloween costumes. At one point, Nicholas was surrounded by a mob of threatening students, one of whom screamed “Who the f**k hired you?” He eventually resigned. As did Erika. Yay tolerance! Yay diversity! (The students probably didn’t like that they shared the same last name. Come to think of it, they probably didn’t like the name).
                Back in 2016, a Yale Daily News survey found that 95% of conservative students on campus thought that their views were unwelcome. Ninety-five percent. Yay tolerance! Yay diversity!

Yale Campus
Rosenkranz Hall
115 Prospect Street
Discovery Group Meeting

Leader: “Good morning, group! I’m Patrick Fitzmichael, and in the seat next to me is my dynamic—and hunky!—assistant group leader, Michael Fitzpatrick! Yay! Right? Anyway, we are all here today to celebrate our diversity. Many of you have felt marginalized at some point in your life because of your identities, passions, activities, or…whatever, right? So, this group is here to provide affirmation to you…to each and every individual here from everyone else here today. How awesome is that? (Cheers and applause ring out). We will go around the room now, and each of you will tell us a little about yourselves and why you’ve felt oppressed, scared and saddened at some point in your lives. (Points). Bob, let’s start with you. Don’t be shy big boy.”

Bob: “Well, I’ve known I was gay since I was 2. You can imagine how hard it was to go through my life having to watch non-gay people on television, in movies, and in my real life. It’s just so…marginalizing.” (Room explodes with applause. Everyone shouts, “You go, Bob. So cool! We love you!”).

Leader: “We’ll just go cockwise—I mean clockwise-- from Bob. Lance?”

Lance: “I’d just like to echo Bob’s comments. It was so hard…no pun intended…growing up knowing that I might be deprived of covenantal marriage, even if I was destined to make more money than heterosexuals.”

Leader: “Sarah?”

Sarah: “I am bisexual. Well, pansexual, actually. I just like sticking things up my butt for the most part. Giggles.” (Loud applause. “So cool, you go girl, we’ve got your back, love you” cries ring out).

Leader: “Hillary?”

Hillary: “I like to mix it up, if you know what I mean. Why limit ourselves to one person, one sex, one species. I mean, hello, it’s so prudish. And Trump wants to kill us all!”

Leader: “Great , great points, Hillary. Edward?”

Edward: “ I must…no….I am proud to announce that I now identify as a 16-year-old, two-spirited, bisexual, transgendered jackalope from Oklahoma.” (Wild applause, whistling, shouts of “alright!” ensue).

Leader: “Alexandria?”

Alexandria: “I have just had my third abortion, and I just wanna say it was fantastic! I mean, I love sex…who doesn’t?...but, like, I don’t need kids! I think abortions should be free, like tampons and stuff, and, like, maybe there should be like vouchers or something!” (Crazed affirmations, cheering).

Leader: “And, Thomas… is it?”

Thomas: “Yes, ma’am.”

Leader: “Go, Thomas.”

Thomas: “I…well, I have to out myself as a …conservative…and I believe in the rule of law and the Bill of Rights and—” (Drowned out with boos, jeers, and threats of physical violence).

Leader: “Thomas, you are sick. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. We can’t take the risk that you might infect the minds of others in this room. I will, in the strongest possible terms, recommend that you be psychologically evaluated and sent to a reeducation camp- I mean to a psychiatric facility- to get the help you so desperately need.”

Leader: “Alright everyone, let’s hear it for our motto: ‘Light and Truth!’” (Orgiastic approval).


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