Thursday, September 27, 2018

Ben & Jerry's Contest To Aid Democrats

                Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, the founders of the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream empire, recently announced an exciting new contest to create a new line of ice cream flavors inspired by seven Democratic candidates in the upcoming November congressional elections. Their MoveOn page pleads for progressives to rise up and crush Republicans and Trump supporters on Tuesday, November 6th. It states: “But we need your help! We need to come up with seven amazing ice cream flavors (and flavor names) that not only taste great but also capture the essence of what each candidate stands for. That’s a tall order, but we know that between all of us we can make it happen. We’ll select the winner and make a batch of each flavor that we’ll raffle off to support the candidates.”
                Politico specifically listed the seven Democratic candidates that the contest is promoting, most of whom aren’t exactly household names in the United States-- or anywhere else. The candidates were supposedly chosen based on “longshots, up and comers and candidates who might not be given a chance by institutional actors. They’re all in difficult seats to win, but we want to spread out the map.” is also sending out fundraising materials on behalf of each of the candidates, according to a consultant working with Cohen and Greenfield, as reported by Politico.
                Why stop at the Obscure Seven? Why not sponsor a contest to create a new line of ice cream flavors inspired by Democratic politicians, past and present, and their aiders and abettors?  I will kick this contest off by generously offering a number of my own suggestions:                          

Inspiring Democratic Personage                        New Ice Cream Flavor/Name

*Maxine Waters                                                Chocolate Fury

*Anthony Weiner                                              (2) Nookies and Cream; Brownie Batter

*Jesse Jackson, Jr.                                             Chocolate Chip Off the Old Block

*Elizabeth Warren                                             Native Americone Fudge

*Andrew Cuomo                                               White Chocolate Privilege

*Jerry Brown                                                     Moonbeam Mint

*Michelle Obama                                              Vegetable Swirl

*Howard Dean                                                   I Scream (For Cookies and Cream)

*Jimmy Carter                                                   Peanut Lust

*Bill Clinton                                                      ImPEACHmint

*Stormy Daniels                                                (2) Cherry Tart; Thoroughly Whipped Cream

*Chuck Schumer                                                Neapolit(ici)an  

*Bernie Sanders                                                 French Revolution Vanilla                                                     
*Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez                               Peanut Butter B-Cup

*Nancy Pelosi                                                    2) Vanilla Has-Bean; Let Them Eat Cake Batter   

*Jane Fonda                                                       Red Army Velvet Cake

*Cory Booker                                                    Spartacustard

*Rachel Maddow                                              Bananas Supreme

*Jimmy Kimmel                                               Snickers-less

*Barney Frank                                                   Rainbow Sherbet

*Michael Moore                                               Garbage Cone (All flavors in one “ginormous” cone!)

*Oprah Winfrey                                                DairyAire

* Beto O’Rourke                                              Strawberry Beefcake                                             

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