Identity Fraud

                Roughly three out of one-thousand people who were born one sex now claim to identify as the other. Or should I say, as another. Or both. Or neither. Or all of them, however many there may be. Or whatever. As Caitlynn Jenner- among many others lately- has proved, it no longer matters what you are…or were at birth, at any rate. The only real thing is what you identify as being.

                Born male, have male parts, but self-identify as female, or vice-versa? No problem; then you are whatever gender you claim be! Use the bathroom of your chosen gender!

                 Born white, but identify as black, or vice-versa? No problem, then you are whatever color you claim to be! Good for you, Rachel Dolezal, the now former head of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP)!

Personally, I identify as a golden retriever. That’s why I’m taking a dump and peeing in my yard, officer, though the neighbor kids are swimming in their pool 30 feet away. You can’t cite me for that, this is my bathroom, you trans-species-a-phobic bastard!

                Next, I may identify as your wife’s husband, therefore I should be able to sleep with her whenever I want…unless, of course, you are an intolerant bigot.

                Or perhaps I will identify as a liberal commentator so I can make inane and slanderous comments without fear of reprisal, while accusing my opponents of doing exactly that.

                Then, I will identify as a successful 4-year-old male racehorse, ergo I should be able to go to a stud farm and…

                Anyway, where were we?

                Oh, yeah. Identity fraud.