Canadian
Prime Minister Mark Carney recently said that he had prepared military operations in the eventuality of a conflict with the United States, i.e. Trump
Attacking The Great White North…which is no longer great and ever less white.
The PM Noted that he is very fond of China, perhaps because both country’s
names start with a ‘C’ and end in an ‘A.’ Coincidence? “I don’t think so,”
stated Carney. The Former international banker stated that, in solidarity with
the Chicoms, the loon will no longer be the national bird of Canada. Rather,
henceforth it will be the Peking duck. He also encouraged his fellow citizens
to substitute soy sauce for maple syrup wherever practicable. Half of Canadian
citizens immediately pledged to do so, most shouting “Take this Trump!”
The
great leader boasted that, should American troops ever cross over the Canadian
border, hordes of Canadians would be there to shout, “elbows up” and pelt them
with snowballs. And, though Canadians have effectively been disarmed by their proclivity
to elect progressive governments, Carney stated that some Canadians do have
slingshots and would not be afraid to use them. He also referenced such
weapons as hockey sticks, canoe paddles, weed whackers (electric only, better
for the environment), and fishing lures with treble hooks.
Moreover,
Carney asserted that, while Canada has only about 74 operable battle tanks, it
has many times that number of Bombardier Bombers—small tracked vehicles with
cool names that are designed to go over snow and ice-- and that could be armed
with BB guns and noisemakers if the situation warranted.
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