The Story Of Sphen And Magic, Gay Penguins

                         The NPR story began: “He was an affectionate and kind partner, and then a patient and caring parent. When Sphen captured the heart of Magic, a fellow penguin at an aquarium in Sydney, he also won the hearts of fans around the world.”

                       “Affectionate and kind?” And “won the hearts of fans around the world?” National Propaganda Radio could have been talking about the Walz-Harris ticket, as well.

                       Alas, NPR again: “But sadly, Sphen has died, Sea Life Sydney Aquarium announced on Thursday. The news comes six years after Sphen and Magic, two males, amazed aquarium staff with their romance and deep commitment.”

                       Romance?! Did they share a herring together, beak to beak, and take long strolls down an ice floe into the sunset whilst touching flippers?

                       The aquarium stated: "Sphen and Magic shared a bond unlike most other penguin couples. They could even be found together outside of the breeding season, which is unique for gentoo penguins."

                       Yes, probably because they weren’t breeding.

            How do “experts” “know” if penguins are “gay,” anyway? Their genitalia is hidden under their feathers. And don’t try to tell me they “69.” Not with those bills. Do they eat better than the other penguins and spend more time grooming? Do they binge-watch “Queer-Eye?”

            This is a lovely story, a tear-jerker on multiple levels to be sure. But I have a couple of questions. Were Sphen and Magic marginalized by the other penguins? (You know, the “far-right” ones in the little red “MAGA” hats.) And does “climate change” also “disproportionately affect” gay penguins?

                       Note to progressive scientists and assorted “experts”: You can’t believe in evolution and an abundance of gay animals. Period. You progressive would-be Einsteins need to think about that for a minute. 

                       (The story of Sphen and Magic was also featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, The Smithsonian, Them, Knewz-- and appeared on NBC, ABC, Sky News, The BBC, and many other “news” outlets. It undoubtedly received more airtime than the attempted assassination of President Trump. If only he were gay.)