Saturday, August 20, 2022

Jeffrey Toobin Finished At CNN


Jeffrey Toobin is finished at CNN. At a stroke.

The longtime cable TV legal analyst recently announced that his time with the network had cum come to an end. Toobin made the sad announcement on Twitter, writing, "Friends, I’ve decided that, after 20 years, I’m leaving @cnn after my vacation. Was great to spend my last day on air with pals Wolf, Anderson, and Don. Love all my former colleagues." All-in-all, not much of a climax.

Toobin did not disclose his future plans, but Reliable Sources say he has stocked up on Jurgens and Kleenex.

Something called Radar Online reported that Toobin hadn’t received much exposure recently and had last appeared on the network on August 3rd. (And we all know that Toobin likes exposure.) The outlet also claimed that CNN head Chris Licht prefers to feature Elie Honig, who was the Assistant U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York from 2004 to 2012. Toobin, who had been CNN's chief legal analyst, was not even asked to help cover the FBI raid of former President Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence. Shoot, I’m sure that, in light of these abuses, Toobin felt like he was being jacked around.  

Toobin was famously fired from his job at the New Yorker in 2020 for masturbating during a Zoom call with his colleagues at the magazine as well as employees from WNYC radio. (Could happen to any of us, no?) CNN granted him a “leave of absence” to deal with “a personal issue.”

Unwilling to be seen as dicks, CNN heads issued a touching statement on Toobin's departure, saying, "We are grateful for Jeffrey’s contributions to the network over the years and wish him all the best in his future endeavors." You can almost hear the giggles and guffaws.  

Toobin had been a hands-on presence at CNN for two decades, so leaving has to be hard on him. But no one can say that he doesn’t have balls, so I’m sure he will leave with his head held high and bearing erect as a proud member of the legacy media.  





No comments:

Post a Comment