Welcome to the KaraFem Abortion Spa! As a ‘next-generation’ abortion clinic, we offer natural wood floors, throw rugs and just the
right amount of lighting to be ever so welcoming and inviting.
Mothers-not-to-be will be given plush bathrobes and herbal tea. Scones will be
offered. A total ‘spa’ experience is to be had by all.
Aromatherapy
and hydrotherapy will be the order of the day. Just had your daughter
exterminated? You want our famous “Mother-No-More” massage! And what better way
to multi-task than to get a great pedicure as your fetus is shredded?!
Traditional
spas offer ‘body firming wraps’ as well. However, we feel that if you’ve shed
your baby, you’ve really thinned and firmed your body already. Weight loss
comes quick here at the abortion spa! No need for fad dieting!
That
said, we know that if you’ve just slayed your kid, you probably want your
Chakras balanced! We can take care of that, too. We are a full-service, destination salon. As such, we offer
these additional services:
*Grand Body Exfoliation- You’ve just sloughed-off your baby.
Now it’s time to tone your skin!
*The Tahitian Facial and Body Wrap- While you’re
extinguishing the life inside you, bring new life to your skin.
*Hungarian Herbal Mud Wrap- You won’t let anyone drag your
name through the mud, but your body feels so good encased in it. Rejuvenate!
Renew! Rejoice!
*Moroccan Ritual- Hot stones, scalp treatment and a body
buff. Need we say more? Baby who?
*The Steamy Glow- You’ll experience true bliss in our
private steam canopy. And some say pregnant
women evince a ‘glow’. We promise they’ll
be jealous of yours!
*The Indulgence- It starts with a Blueberry Sugar Scrub to
relax you and continues with a hot soak. Then you will experience hot and cold
stones upon your body. Warm satin blankets come next as you receive a foot and
scalp massage. After an all-body buff, warm, soothing oils will be caressed
into your body as your therapist continually whispers in your ear, “you are
what matters, you are the best” and other affirmations. You deserve to celebrate all the pleasures life
has to offer!
“Selfies”
are encouraged! Take a pic of the big moment and post it on our website!
We
offer free wi-fi!
Upcoming
Events:
*April
15- Katha Pollitt poetry reading (4pm-5pm).
*April
20- Special, edited rebroadcast of the 2012 Democratic National Convention where
delegates loudly “booed” the re-inclusion of God in their party platform
(2pm-5pm).
*April
23- Maya Angelou poetry reading (3pm-5pm).
*April 27- Prominent DNC members talk about their own abortions (9am-5pm).
*April 27- Prominent DNC members talk about their own abortions (9am-5pm).
Merchandise
For Sale In Our “Eve’s Corner” Nook:
* We
have “I Didn’t Heart My Baby” bumper
stickers available. Get a 5% discount if you order the politically-correct bumper-sticker multi-pack that also includes
the popular “I Heart Barack Obama,” “I Heart My Golden Lab,” and “I Heart Che
Guevara” stickers.
*”CoExist” bumper stickers and
tee-shirts (women’s sizes s-xxl).
Be reborn here at the KaraFemAbortoSpa (KFAS)…where
every fifth abortion is free!
Remember,
donations are welcome, pro-lifers are not.
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What’s
next? Abortion drive-ins/throughs? Modeled after McDonald’s or Sonic?
“I’d
like a cheeseburger, large fry, an abortion and a diet Coke, please.”
“That’ll
be $249.96…please pull ahead.”
And the
sign out front touts, “Millions and Millions Served."
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A reporter asks the Sonic (Baby) Un-Boom manager how business has been.
She answers: "Great, we're making a killing!"
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A reporter asks the Sonic (Baby) Un-Boom manager how business has been.
She answers: "Great, we're making a killing!"
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