Monday, April 6, 2015

The KaraFem Abortion Spa (Abortion Spas- Part II)

                Welcome to the KaraFem Abortion Spa! As a ‘next-generation’ abortion clinic, we offer  natural wood floors, throw rugs and just the right amount of lighting to be ever so welcoming and inviting. Mothers-not-to-be will be given plush bathrobes and herbal tea. Scones will be offered. A total ‘spa’ experience is to be had by all.
                Aromatherapy and hydrotherapy will be the order of the day. Just had your daughter exterminated? You want our famous “Mother-No-More” massage! And what better way to multi-task than to get a great pedicure as your fetus is shredded?!
                Traditional spas offer ‘body firming wraps’ as well. However, we feel that if you’ve shed your baby, you’ve really thinned and firmed your body already. Weight loss comes quick here at the abortion spa! No need for fad dieting!
               That said, we know that if you’ve just slayed your kid, you probably want your Chakras balanced! We can take care of that, too. We are a full-service, destination salon. As such, we offer these additional services:
*Grand Body Exfoliation- You’ve just sloughed-off your baby. Now it’s time to tone your skin!
*The Tahitian Facial and Body Wrap- While you’re extinguishing the life inside you, bring new life to your skin.
*Hungarian Herbal Mud Wrap- You won’t let anyone drag your name through the mud, but your body feels so good encased in it. Rejuvenate! Renew! Rejoice!
*Moroccan Ritual- Hot stones, scalp treatment and a body buff. Need we say more? Baby who?
*The Steamy Glow- You’ll experience true bliss in our private steam canopy. And some say pregnant women evince a ‘glow’. We promise they’ll be jealous of yours!
*The Indulgence- It starts with a Blueberry Sugar Scrub to relax you and continues with a hot soak. Then you will experience hot and cold stones upon your body. Warm satin blankets come next as you receive a foot and scalp massage. After an all-body buff, warm, soothing oils will be caressed into your body as your therapist continually whispers in your ear, “you are what matters, you are the best” and other affirmations. You deserve to celebrate all the pleasures life has to offer!

                “Selfies” are encouraged! Take a pic of the big moment and post it on our website!
                 We offer free wi-fi!

                Upcoming Events:
                *April 15- Katha Pollitt poetry reading (4pm-5pm).
                *April 20- Special, edited rebroadcast of the 2012 Democratic National Convention where delegates loudly “booed” the re-inclusion of God in their party platform (2pm-5pm).
              *April 23- Maya Angelou poetry reading (3pm-5pm).
              *April 27- Prominent DNC members talk about their own abortions (9am-5pm).

                Merchandise For Sale In Our “Eve’s Corner” Nook:
               * We have “I Didn’t Heart My Baby” bumper stickers available. Get a 5% discount if you order the politically-correct bumper-sticker multi-pack that also includes the popular “I Heart Barack Obama,” “I Heart My Golden Lab,” and “I Heart Che Guevara” stickers.
*”CoExist” bumper stickers and tee-shirts (women’s sizes s-xxl).

                Be reborn here at the KaraFemAbortoSpa (KFAS)…where every fifth abortion is free!

                Remember, donations are welcome, pro-lifers are not.

                 What’s next? Abortion drive-ins/throughs? Modeled after McDonald’s or Sonic?

                “I’d like a cheeseburger, large fry, an abortion and a diet Coke, please.”
                “That’ll be $249.96…please pull ahead.”

                And the sign out front touts, “Millions and Millions Served."
                 A reporter asks the Sonic (Baby) Un-Boom manager how business has been.
She answers: "Great, we're making a killing!"


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