Mattel Introduces New "Type 1 Diabetes Barbie!"

 

Mattel recently announced the release of its first-ever Barbie doll with type 1 diabetes! (Complete with a continuous glucose monitor and a pink insulin pump.) Yay! Way cool! And so inclusive!

Krista Berger, senior vice president of Barbie and global head of dolls, released a statement saying, “Introducing a Barbie doll with type 1 diabetes marks an important step in our commitment to inclusivity and representation.” Barbie’s Berger added, “Barbie helps shape children’s early perceptions of the world, and by reflecting medical conditions like T1D, we ensure more kids can see themselves in the stories they imagine and the dolls they love.” Yay, more kids can see themselves with T1D, glucose monitors, and pink insulin pumps! IAs someone once said, it’s a wonderful world!

An anonymous source has told me that Mattel plans to come out with at least a baker’s dozen of other “inclusive” Barbies in the near future, including:

*Irritable Bowel Syndrome-- or IBS—Barbie. (Can’t wait for this one! Will she come complete with Depends™ and medication?)

*Montezuma’s Revenge Barbie. (Similar to IBS Barbie, but this one has just returned from Mexico…and boy is her sphincter tired!)

*Breast Cancer Barbie. (Historically not well-endowed, this Barbie will come with three different sizes of breast prostheses, including a DDD!)

*Colostomy Bag Barbie. (This barbie may be hiding this accessory from Ken. Or maybe not.)

*Transitioning Barbie. (How topical?! How inclusive?! How fun?! Rumor has it this Barbie will come with various snap-on/off parts from all genders! She/He/They will also come with assorted pronouns and an extra “Billy” name tag.)

*Lyme Disease Barbie. (This Barbie will feature a small “bullseye” ring on her arm and come with various ointments and medications.)

*Autistic Barbie. (This Barbie frequently loses focus and has trouble communicating. She cries a lot and often prefers to be by herself. She is often stressed out and doesn’t like changes in routine.)

*Tourette Syndrome Barbie. (This might be my favorite of all the new Barbies! She will often twitch, bark, and yell out “fuck Ken!” and other obscenities while in public places. It doesn’t get much more inclusive than this! Fun for the whole family!)

*Obese Barbie. (So meaningful. An inspired attempt to counteract ‘fatphobia.’ Though she is as wide as she is tall, she is still beautiful, right?)

*Coronavirus Barbie. (A ‘legacy’ throwback, complete with N-95 mask. Must always stay at least 6 feet from Ken. Makes me nostalgic for ‘the good ol’ days!’)

*Methamphetamine Barbie. (This Barbie is so, like, today! She never eats and is always ‘amped up.’ Her eyes twitch and her teeth are decaying. Well done, Mattel!)

*Artificial-limb Barbie. (Granted, it is a bit hard to tell on a small plastic doll, but this Barbie proudly sports an artificial arm…and leg! But there is nothing artificial about her big heart!)

*Upper-class ultra-liberal Barbie, A.K.A. “Karen” Barbie. (This Barbie comes with dyed hair, a nose-ring, a Palestinian flag, and a “My Vagina Doesn’t Open For Trump Supporters” tee-shirt. She’s dumber than the plastic she’s made out of, but always thinks she’s right.)