Attention Love Island Fans: Here Is The Dialogue Between The US And Iran In Love Island Words! (A Blogger Exclusive!)

 

A special treat for you: the following is my take on the ever on-and-off again “negotiations” between the U.S. and Iran. The curveball, the surprise? I will attempt to craft the majority of the dialogue using mostly words and phrases commonly used on “Love Island.” Almost seems appropriate at this point. But it’s harder to do than you might think. Where else can you find such whimsical entertainment and extraordinary writing?! Nowhere else, that’s where! You never know what you'll find here. You’re welcome.

 

U.S. negotiator: “Bruh, these negotiations are, like, stalling again.”

Iranian negotiator: “Like, not gonna lie. That’s, like, valid.”

U.S.: “I think we’re in, like, a ‘situationship.’”

Iran: “Are we, like, ‘exclusive?’”

U.S. “Maybe so, bitch.”

Iran: “Like, dude, that’s kinda messy.”

U.S.: “But you hurt our feelings.”

Iran: “Like, that’s fair.”

U.S.: “We’re not f*ckin’ with you right now.”

Iran: “What the f*ck?”

U.S.: “We’re going after, like, your big, beautiful, booty. You know, like your uranium enriched nuclear material. We’re not even joking.”

Iran: “That’s hot! By-the-way, is that, like, Jeannine Pirro seated next to you, Marco?”

Rubio: “Yes.”

Iran: “She’s a baddy, bitch.”

Rubio: “That she is. Does that make you, like, feel any type of way?”

Iran: “Motherf***er, like we’re kinda in our heads now.”

Rubio: “That’s valid. Whaddya want for breakfast?”

Iran: “Ahhh, that’s so cute! French fries!”

U.S.: “Like, stop it! That’s, like, so sick!”

                                                 [Etc., etc., ad infinitum}