My Interview With Hillary (Parody)

 

Hilariously, Hillary Clinton recently stated that we have to “stop demonizing” our political opponents and cease pointing the finger at others. Of course, she then promptly began demonizing her political opponents and pointing fingers at them for, basically, being the scum of the earth if not Satan’s spawn.

I had a dream last night that I was granted an exclusive interview with “Her.” It went something like this:

Me: “Welcome, Mrs. Clinton, and thank you for agreeing to this interview.”

Mrs. Clinton: “First off, dipshit, I’m ‘Ms.’ Clinton, not ‘Mrs.’ Secondly, I’m only doing this ‘interview,’ as you call it, to let the world know how tolerant and welcoming I am, even to my political adversaries.”

Me: “Yes, you have recently declared that we must bring the temperature down and not demonize those with whom we disagree.”

Ms. Clinton: “Yes, because I am better than most people. No matter how badly we want to kill everyone who doesn’t agree with us, that’s simply not usually the best solution.”

Me: “That’s very magnanimous of you. How many folks have you had killed when you thought that was the best solution?”

Hillary: “Probably not more than a dozen…or two. Hey, wait a minute, that was a trick question! And not very nice!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Let’s move on to your relationship with your husband. Obviously, you are aware that Bill has repeatedly been unfaithful.”

Hillary: “No shit, Sherlock. Bill would shag a walrus if given the opportunity.”

Me: “And he flew with his buddy to Epstein Island many times.”

Hillary: “Whatever, let’s move on.”

Me: “Back to your comments about not demonizing others. I mean, you have called your political opponents ‘deplorables.’”

Hillary: “That’s because they are. And you are, too. The vast majority of conservatives, Christians, and MAGA types think nothing of demonizing their opponents. And it's not surprising that this is the case, that these deplorable Nazis and fascists go around demonizing their opponents. I mean, these bigoted, racist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic sh*t-bags don't deserve to live! Maga types are the vilest people on earth. They just aren't tolerant and open minded, because many of them, especially those from rural areas, are inbred. Anyway, these bleeping bastards make me sick. A, you know, silver bullet here and there, now and again, could do some good. Know what I’m sayin’?”

Me: “Quite. I have to ask you what you thought about a Babylon Bee article stating that those with dirt on you and Bill ‘are 843% more likely to commit suicide.’ Your thoughts?”

Hillary: “My thought is that it might be time to ‘Epstein’ you, a**hole!”

Me: “And that’s all the time we have for tonight…”

                                                   [FADE}